


Potion

by F2of95line



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Mentions of rape (but barely there I swear), Romance, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-21 20:19:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14292666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/F2of95line/pseuds/F2of95line
Summary: Yuta's quiet idol life is flipped upside down when Taeyong is sprayed with a potion that makes him act madly in love with him.





	1. Taeyong Gets Sprayed

“I love youuuuuu,” Taeyong warbles, clutching his heart. “I love you Yukkuriiiiiiii~!”

“Shut up, all of you!” Yuta hisses fiercely at his snickering teammates, ears hot. “Seriously, shut it!”

“I was worried at first, but this is too amazing!” Doyoung sniggers and Yuta silently flips him off, glaring. How on earth did he get to this very strange scenario?

* * *

**FOUR HOURS AGO…**

“To the world, this was NCT! Thank you, we were NCT 127!”

With the usual phrase said and done, the nine members troop off the stage dutifully. Yuta stretches, wincing when he feels his core ache. He worked out too intensely yesterday, and even though it hurts to move, he relishes the feeling of his work yesterday paying off.

“You okay?”

Yuta turns to see Taeyong, eyebrows furrowed in worry. Yuta grins at his friend.

“Yes, Mom,” he lightly nudges his same-age teammate. “I’m good.”

“You worked out yesterday, didn’t you?” Taeyong doesn’t relent, clicking his tongue in a reprimand. “Seriously, why do you keep doing this? It affects how you dance.”

“I dance fine,” Yuta responds, warm feeling gone and replaced with annoyance. “Let it go, Taeyong.”

“Here,” the Korean man is relentless and hands Yuta a muscle patch reliever. “At least put this on.”

“I said I’m _fine_ ,” Yuta snaps, boarding the van and purposely sitting next to Winwin to avoid sitting by the worrywart that is Taeyong. Taeyong sighs, boarding the van and sitting next to the manager.

The ride is short, no more than 15 minutes, but the team can feel the icy atmosphere in the van. Despite Taeyong’s image, everyone knows him to be a warmhearted softie, so when he’s not showing aegyo and whining to his teammates, it definitely shows. Winwin nudges his Japanese teammate.

“Hyung,” he murmurs quietly. “Why is Taeyong-hyung mad?”

“Don’t worry about it, Sicheng-ah,” Yuta pinches his dongsaeng’s cheek (grinning when Winwin yelps loudly). “He’ll get over it. He’s just being an annoying mom.”

He says it loudly enough knowing Taeyong will hear, and sure enough, the aura in the car grows even colder, but Yuta just gazes out the window, expression annoyed.

He knows it’s stupid, but he seriously hates how every little thing Taeyong does can affect him. A little part of him slyly points out that he likes the attention, likes knowing the handsome leader of the group dotes on him, but the reasonable side of him grows upset at acknowledging that it will never go above that.

The van pulls up in front of the fan-sign, and Yuta makes it a point to bump Taeyong’s shoulder as he exits the car.

* * *

Of cooooooourse the manager demands the two of them sit next to each other at the fansign. Yuta grits his teeth but smiles for the fans anyhow who are screaming nonsensically at him and Taeyong. He starts when he feels a slight pinch on his elbow.

He forces his eye not to twitch and leans in closer to Taeyong, aware of how intimate the two of them look.

“ _I don’t appreciate your attitude from earlier, Yuta,”_ Taeyong murmurs, a warm smile on his face. Yuta thanks all those years of training, from when SM warned him how often cameras would take pictures of him.

He turns his head slightly to make eye contact with the Korean man, saccharine smile still in place.

“ _I don’t appreciate your criticism of my workout habits, Taeyong.”_

The Korean man just picks up their sponsored bottle of Pocari Sweat and takes an angry gulp before smiling at the first fan that approaches them. Yuta slips back into his professional idol stance and cheerfully greets the fan that comes up to him as well.

* * *

Things are going peacefully for about half an hour, until…

Yuta jumps when he hears a loud shout and whips his head to the side to see Taeyong choking. He stares in confusion, until he sees the girl standing in front of him, frozen with a perfume bottle in her hand. His eyes dart to the coughing Taeyong, the lingering scent of perfume, and the girl’s expression of a deer caught in headlights.

It sinks in for him and he only needs a split second.

“ _MANAGER!_ ” he bellows, grabbing Taeyong’s arm and yanking him away. The manager runs over furiously, as the girl flees the scene. Taeyong is furiously rubbing at his face, and Yuta helpfully hands him his bottle of Pocari Sweat.

“You okay?” he asks urgently. He might have been pissed at Taeyong earlier, but he doesn’t actually want Taeyong _hurt_.

“Y- Yeah,” Taeyong shakes his head. “What _was_ that?!”

Yuta coughs and waves a hand in front of his face; that perfume smell is so strong, even Yuta feels lightheaded. Knowing that Taeyong got sprayed in the _face_ makes the Japanese man so angry, he can’t see straight. He grabs the perfume bottle and stuffs it into his pocket – if they report this to the police later (which Yuta is _full on_ prepared to do), he can show this as evidence.

“Manager,” Taeyong groans to the concerned-looking older man. “I… I don’t feel so good.”

“Come on,” the manager speaks up so the other members can hear. “We’re leaving.”

The NCT members’ eyes widen. “Really?”

“Security should’ve checked for aerosols. There’s no way we can continue if we know they’re letting anyone in,” the manager snaps, and Yuta is unable to hide the awe on his face. Manager-hyung has clearly been in this business long enough.

The group all goes behind the backdrop, loading into the van once more. The manager orders to let Taeyong on the van first and the other members all stand aside to give Taeyong some space.

Yuta suddenly realizes he’s been clutching onto Taeyong’s arm all this time, and swiftly lets go, face hot. Taeyong moans and sways in his spot and Yuta is forced to grab his teammate’s arm again, heart pounding in panic.

“I… I think I’m gonna…” Taeyong mumbles, expression woozy. Yuta lets out a shout as Taeyong passes out in his arms and Yuta stumbles.

“Manager, helppppp!”

* * *

The group is sitting in the living room; the silence is tense and Yuta can only release a heavy breath.

“What’s taking so long?” Doyoung asks anxiously, gnawing on his lip. “What happened to him? Will he be okay? What if-?”

“Hey,” Jaehyun puts a hand on his thigh, bouncing up and down frantically. “Calm down. Manager-hyung will let us know when Taeyong-hyung wakes up.”

Just as Jaehyun finishes talking, the manager returns to the living room, looking confused and slightly disturbed. Johnny’s the first to speak up.

“Is he okay? What happened?”

“He… He asked for Yuta,” is all the manager says, looking mildly traumatized. Yuta’s eyebrow furrows.

“Me? Why?”

His expression then changes. “Wait, does he think this was _my_ fault?! I was signing a fan’s album, okay?! I wasn’t paying attention-!”

“He’s not…” the manager hesitates. “I don’t think he’s mad. He just…”

Yuta has already stopped listening, storming to Taeyong and Haechan’s room despite the manager’s protests.

“Yah, Lee Taeyong!” he snaps. He’s normally not this irritable, but the combination of being sore, Taeyong nagging, and his sickening worry has culminated to him being furio-

“ _Yukkuri!”_

Yuta blinks in confusion when he feels a pair of arms wrapped around his neck. He takes a second to inwardly panic before outwardly freaking out.

“ _Hey!_ What the _fuck_  do you think you’re-?!”

“I was so scared!” Taeyong wails, and Yuta just continues to stare blankly, unsure of what is happening.

“Wh- What are you…?”

“I’m so glad you’re here…” Taeyong buries his face into Yuta’s shoulder. “Mmm…”

Yuta freezes when Taeyong rubs the bridge of his nose against Yuta’s neck, a low purr, almost a growl, emerging from deep within his throat.

“You smell so good,” the Korean man breathes, and Yuta can only swallow, shaking his head.

“T- Taeyong, what are you-?”

“Yukkuri, I don’t think I’ve ever told you, but…”

 _Don’t say it!_ Yuta wants to scream, especially when the concerned teammates band behind him.

“Taeyong-hyung, are you okay?!”

“What happened?!”

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“Uh, what are you doing to Yuta?”

“What’s going on?”

“ _I love you.”_

Everyone goes rigid as they see Taeyong happily snuggle into Yuta’s shoulder.

And then all hell breaks loose.

* * *

“So…”

The manager sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I sent the picture of the bottle to upper management. They’re looking up what it is. It sounds silly, I know, but… I think it might have been some weird love potion.”

“Okay, but…”

The manager turns to a very agitated-looking Yuta. Chances are most likely he looks this agitated because Taeyong is sitting in his lap, nuzzling against him.

“How do we _fix_ this?!” Yuta indicates to the melting, lovesick mess in his arms. The other members struggle to keep their smiles hidden as Yuta struggles to stop Taeyong from crawling on him like some sort of oversized cat.

“Are you sure you even want to fix this?” Haechan mutters under his breath.

Yuta shoots him a glare that could split a rock, and the youngest member yelps before diving behind Mark. Taeyong suddenly glares at the other members, pouting.

“Uh… Hyung?”

“I just want to be clear,” the leader says in a steely voice, and the other members actually think something good will come out of-

“Yuta is _mine_ ,” Taeyong says stubbornly, cheeks pink. “Mine, mine, mine, mine, so if you want him, I’ll save you the trouble. Mine.”

And then he dives his face back into Yuta’s chest and the Japanese man groans as Doyoung can’t stop the bark of laughter.

“I can’t take this anymore!” he slaps the sofa. “He’s like some possessive cat! This is too funny!”

“I know I should be worried,” Jaehyun agrees. “But he’s just so…!”

The members are all stunned into silence again when Taeyong, rocking in Yuta’s lap, begins to sing in a tiny voice.

_“You know, I have something to tell you._

_You know, I like you.”_

_This much, this much, this much…”_

Taeyong pops his head up, eyes glittering as he cutely sings the aegyo-filled song.

_“This much! I loveeeeeee you!”_

Yuta’s horror-filled gaze is enough to send the NCT members into another uproar of laughter.

“I love you, Yukkuriiiiiii!” Taeyong sings loudly, ignoring the other members, which is how we’ve found ourselves in this lovely situation at the moment.

* * *

A few hours later, the members are no longer as amused when they see their dinner. Yuta coughs lightly.

“Uh…” he gazes down at his extravagant meal, fit more for a king's wedding than a lanky young adult. Taeyong sits across from him happily, swinging his legs under the table, still clothed in the cute apron he wore earlier when he was singing in the kitchen.

“Seriously, isn’t this too much?” Mark complains when he gazes at his and the other members’ meager meals of undercooked rice, kimchi, and a small bowl of soybean stew.

Yuta’s meal, on the other hand, looks like a full luxury Japanese course with small dishes of carefully chosen delicacies, such as seasoned beef, prettily placed sashimi slices, gleaming rice and freshly crisp vegetables.

“How come our rice looks different?” Johnny questions. “Seriously, did you make rice separately for Yuta?”

“Of course not!” Taeyong puts his hands on his hips. “That would be a waste!”

“Then-?”

“I just made sure Yukkuri got the first, cleanest part of the rice. It burned a little on the edge near the pot so you guys got that part,” Taeyong says dreamily, eyes almost melting with hearts as he gazes at Yuta. The Japanese man coughs, trying to hide a snicker.

“Serves you guys right.”

“Taeyong-ah,” Taeil speaks up. “Where’s your meal?”

“I don’t need to eat!” Taeyong waves his hands. “I nibbled on stuff here and there while I was cooking Yukkuri’s dinner!”

“That’s not enough for a whole meal though,” Yuta protests and immediately regrets speaking up when he sees Taeyong’s lovesick expression.

“Watching you eat makes me feel full,” Taeyong says dreamily. “I want to watch you eat everyday…”

Yuta coughs lightly and looks down, feeling his cheeks grow hot as he picks up his chopsticks and begins to eat the perfectly-seasoned meal.

“This is too much,” Doyoung picks up his rice bowl and slumps. “If I knew this was going to happen, we could’ve asked Jaehyun to cook.”

“ _No!_ ”

Winwin nearly drops his bowl of soup as he chokes in surprise at Taeyong’s loud scream. Yuta’s eyes widen as he sees the agitated expression on the handsome leader’s face.

“Jaehyun can’t cook for Yukkuri! What if he cooks for him and Yuta falls in love with him?!”

“…”

“...”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“I’m not hungry anymore,” Mark announces. “I’m just… yeah, I’m done. I am _done_.”

* * *

“Are you okay?”

Yuta groans, burying his face under his cover. “Not you too, Hyung.”

Taeil calmly puts his phone aside. “I’m not teasing you. I’m genuinely making sure you’re okay.”

Yuta pauses, and suddenly realizes that throughout the entire day, even though Taeil looked amused here and there, he never went out of his way to tease Yuta the way the other members did. Yuta sighs.

“Y- Yeah, I’m fine, Hyung,” he gazes down at his hands. “…thanks.”

“It’s stressful, I know,” Taeil says wisely, leaning back in his desk chair. “Being liked by someone whose feelings you don’t return can be burdensome.”

Yuta sighs. “Only you understand Hyung. Seriously, I… I don’t like Taeyong that way!”

Taeil doesn’t say anything, just looking pensive and Yuta clears his throat uncomfortably, wondering if he was too obvious.

“Wh- What?”

“Well, if you say you don’t like Taeyong, then that’s that,” Taeil says plainly, shrugging. “But… I think it goes without saying that he definitely likes you. A _lot_. So…”

The older man pauses, before phrasing his next sentence delicately. “Might as well go with it. Taeyong obviously isn’t going to be like this forever, and who knows? You might find out you have more in common with Taeyong than you realize."

“So you’re saying I should… humor him?” Yuta cringes, imagining himself cooing over Taeyong’s aegyo-filled actions.

“You don’t need to full on reciprocate, but at the very least, you can accept it,” Taeil shrugs again. “I know it’s hard, but realistically, can you imagine rejecting Taeyong in this state? He’d probably take it very… poorly.”

Yuta winces. Seeing how obsessed Taeyong is with him, he’s forced to agree that he doesn’t want to see Taeyong’s reaction if he tells him he doesn’t want Taeyong to like him.

The Japanese man groans.

“When I decided to become an idol, nobody told me one of my craziest fans would be _living_ with me.”

“Oh yeah,” Taeil speaks up. “You kept the bottle, right?”

“Oh yeah…” Yuta rummages through his drawer. “Why?”

“Can I take it for a sec?”

Yuta’s eyes narrow. “Hyung, now is not the time to act out your love potion fantasies!”

Taeil lightly smacks his younger teammate’s shoulder. “Not like that. I’m going to do some research of my own.”

Yuta reluctantly hands the bottle over (still looking slightly suspicious). Taeil nods as he pockets the tiny container.

“I’ll give it back soon,” he promises. “I just want to check on something.”

Yuta is already stressing about how to accept Taeyong’s advances that he just waves a hand.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.


	2. Yuta Grows Attached

Yuta wakes up, happily sniffing the clean scent of Febreeze linen. He snuggles deeper into his body pillow-

Wait.

_Wait._

Yuta doesn’t have a Febreeze-scented body pillow.

His eyes fly open and he lets out a loud scream.

“Oh my god!”

Mark and Johnny dart to the door. “Who screamed?!”

“Wha happer…?” Winwin asks sleepily, struggling to open his eyes. Taeil is already yanking Yuta’s sheets off to reveal…

An abashed Taeyong with tousled hair, who smiles sheepishly. “Um… hi?”

* * *

“I’m not your goddamn teddy bear!” Yuta explodes and Taeyong sniffles, looking down at the table. The Japanese man glares.

“Oh no, don’t you stick out your lower lip like some kind of overgrown baby,” he seethes. “I don’t care how cuddly you look when you do that, you’re not getting away with this one.”

“I’m s- sorry, Yukkuri!” Taeyong scratches his ear, looking even more innocent and abashed. “I was just lonely! And your bed looked so warm and I… I realized I couldn’t sleep without you nearby.”

The members all exchange glances, particularly the manager. Finally, the manager claps his hands.

“All right, it’s decided. Yuta, you’ll be sleeping with Taeyong each night.”

“Ex _cuse_ me?!” Yuta yelps in disbelief. “Manager-hyung, you have _got_ to be kidding-!”

“You guys are in the middle of promotion right now,” the manager says sharply. “If you not being there affects Taeyong’s sleep, then you need to make some sacrifices and let him sleep with you.”

Nobody comments on Haechan trying to stifle his giggle, or Jaehyun’s ears turning red. Yuta clenches his fist and turns to Taeyong to yell again. However, the apologetic, baleful look on Taeyong’s face makes Yuta sigh and release his fist.

“Fine,” he growls, before glaring at the Korean man. “I’m sure you already know, but I don’t sleep with a pillow, so don’t think of bringing one to the bed.”

“I stopped sleeping with one ever since you said it was bad for me, Yukkuri,” Taeyong’s eyes are wide, innocent like a child’s, and Yuta fights the urge to groan.

He is _not_ looking forward to this.

* * *

Later, when they’re in the van, Yuta grabs Taeyong’s arm before they exit the car.

“Hey,” he says sharply. “We have to talk.”

“I always like talking to you, Yukkuri,” Taeyong says happily. “What is it?”

Yuta sighs inwardly. “Look, Taeyong, just… don’t forget, we’re professionals. You can act in love with me at home-”

“I’m not acting!” Taeyong protests. “I genuinely am in love with you!”

“-but in front of the fans, don’t go too much out of the way, okay?” Yuta continues, ignoring his ears, which feel hotter than usual.

“Yuta,” Taeyong smiles suddenly, and Yuta is taken aback by how _gentle_ the man looks. “I would never do that. It could jeopardize your image, and I would sooner leave the company than do that to you.”

Yuta can’t say anything, genuinely stunned. He never thought Taeyong would be so… so… tender. It makes Yuta’s heart feel strange in a way that makes him confused.

“W- Well, good!” Yuta snaps, storming out of the van. “Let’s get going then!”

“Okay~” Taeyong sings happily. “Wait for me, Yukkuri!”

Yuta groans, wondering if things will really be okay.

* * *

To his stun, they are.

Taeyong barely glances over at him, except to do the customary fan-service, but he does it more so with other members than Yuta himself. Yuta blinks when he sees Taeyong backhug Jaehyun, and for some reason, he just can’t keep watching.

_Hurts, doesn’t it?_

Yuta fiercely tells the jealous voice in his head to shut up before smiling at the next fan and signing the poster.

* * *

“Good work today everyone,” the manager says, exhausted. “Let’s get going, you guys have a radio show in 45 minutes.”

Yuta dutifully files into the van, making it a point not to look at Taeyong. He is _not_ mad about what happened with Jaehyun earlier. He’s _not_. He is not going to look at Taeyong. He is _not_ going to look at-

Yuta starts lightly when he feels a hand lightly brush the back of his fingers, so lightly, that he thinks it’s part of his imagination, but when he looks up…

Taeyong gives him a blank face, casually tilting his head. “Aren’t you getting on, Yuta?”

And Yuta can’t even deny the flutter of his heart this time, as he climbs aboard the van, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

When they get home, Taeyong all but throws himself into the kitchen.

“Hyung, what are you-?”

“Yuta-yah, give me half an hour!” Taeyong’s voice floats from the kitchen. “I’ll have your dinner ready!”

The members look like they want to laugh, but they’re so exhausted from the day’s activities, they just flop on the couch.

“Taeyong-ah, it’s too late,” Yuta calls back. “I’ll just eat tomorrow.”

“You can’t not eat!” Taeyong’s voice is stubborn. “I’ll make you something simple so it digests quickly!”

Yuta sighs, too tired to keep arguing. As it is, he doesn’t understand how Taeyong can even find the energy to cook – all of them have been dancing and singing and being entertainers for so long all day, all he can think is how tired he is.

Even Mark, who’s usually an unstoppable ball of energy, barely looks like he can keep his eyes open.

Taeil’s already excused himself to his bedroom, looking ready to pass out.

To his surprise, 30 minutes later, Taeyong is laying a small plate of dinner before him. Yuta blinks in confusion. He didn’t really think it would be possible, but Taeyong has made a perfectly seasoned, simple salad of green beans, pumpkin, and on top are three slices of tender, grilled beef.

He looks up to see the fidgeting, anxious Korean man.

“I- Is this okay? I was going to add some avocado too, but I figured that might be too much, and-”

“Wait, we _have_ avocadoes?” Doyoung interrupts, eyes wide. “You bought an _avocado_?!”

Yuta blinks again. Even though he does like avocadoes, he’s aware of how expensive they are in Korea, and surely-

“Yukkuri said he was craving avocadoes last week, so I went and bought one!” Taeyong smiles eagerly. “Right, Yukkuri? You wanted avocado?”

“O- Oh, um,” Yuta stammers. “Oh yeah, I mean, I did, but…”

Nobody’s making fun of Yuta anymore – if anything, the other members look downright envious.

“Ugh, I wish Taeyong was in love with me,” Johnny whines, not noticing Yuta’s jaw harden. “I want food but I don’t want to make instant noodles.”

“If you want to wait a little, I can make food for you,” Taeyong offers and the taller man blinks.

“W- Well, you don’t have to, Taeyong… I’m sure you’re tired too.”

“I love Yukkuri, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you guys too,” Taeyong re-ties his apron strings more firmly. “I’ll make you guys some soup or something.”

“How…?” Yuta finally is able to speak up. “How are you able to cook like this after the day we’ve had?”

Taeyong pauses, before a small smiles spreads across his face, and Yuta somehow feels… at peace.

“Seeing you eat makes me happy. And when I’m happy, I want to give back that happiness. So Yukkuri… you’d better eat so I can feel energized.”

Yuta can only laugh in bemusement before taking a bite and giving Taeyong a thumbs-up.

“It tastes good.”

And with just that, Taeyong dashes back into the kitchen to make food for the rest of the team.

* * *

Inside his bedroom, Taeil peers at the logo at the bottom of the perfume bottle, no longer looking tired. Moon Taeil has always loved mysteries, and now…

He quickly snaps a picture of the logo and then zooms in on his phone. He doesn’t know a lot of brands by picture, but…

He opens Naver on his phone and begins to search for the brand. When he hears the door open behind him, he turns and smiles innocently at Winwin.

He’ll keep his findings secret for now.

* * *

Yuta takes a deep breath before entering the room. He and Haechan switched beds so that he and Taeyong could be in one room, but…

He shudders. He still remembers how terrified he was this morning, when it turned out Taeyong had crept into his bed. And now, he’s willingly going to share a room with him.

To his surprise, Taeyong doesn’t come in until about an hour later, and Yuta fidgets (he’s so tired, but he was too curious about why Taeyong wasn’t in the room). Taeyong looks like he just came from outside, seeing him shed his jacket and carefully place it in his closet.

Yuta pretends he isn’t staring when he sees the tight black muscle shirt Taeyong is casually clad in, and pointedly looks away when Taeyong disappears into the bathroom.

Taeyong soon re-enters the room, clad in a thin, black wifebeater (Yuta carefully avoids looking at Taeyong’s broad shoulders and lean arm muscles) and tilts his head in confusion cutely.

“Yukkuri?”

Yuta looks up and can only gaze with deadened eyes at Taeyong’s “apple hair”. Taeyong had tied his bangs up so that they sat on top of his head like a tiny, adorable apple stem.

_It is **not** cute. You do **not** find that cute, Nakamoto. NAKAMOTO, SNAP OUT OF IT_

Yuta clears his throat. “A- Are you ready for bed?”

“Well yes, but… are you really going to be here?” Taeyong asks curiously and Yuta sighs.

“I… have to be,” he grumbles. “It was manager-hyung’s orders, you heard him this morning.”

 “I’m sorry, Yukkuri…”

Even Taeyong’s apple stem hair seems to wilt slightly as he looks down at the floor guiltily, like a child who’s been caught stealing.

“I don’t want you to be stressed too…” Taeyong fidgets, toeing the ground and Yuta has to stop himself from rolling his eyes when he sees the image of NCT’s cool, fearless leader, shyly avoiding his gaze like a girl about to confess to her crush.

“It can’t be helped,” Yuta tries not to sound irritated, but he misses his bed already. He misses bothering Winwin and learning Korean from Taeil and reading manga in his bed.

He knows he can still do all of it, but it felt safer when he did it in his own room. He can’t wait until this weird ‘curse’ is lifted and he can go back to normal. Although…

He climbs into Haechan’s bed and he can’t help but to gaze at Taeyong absentmindedly.

After this…

It would be so awkward. He has to admit it to himself – a small part of him _likes_ the attention Taeyong’s giving him now.

It’s what he might have secretly fantasized about once or twice, but the painful fact exists that Taeyong isn’t doing this because he _wants_ to – he’s almost being forced into it, and it’s confusing for Yuta.

Yuta lays on his back, gazing blankly up at the dark ceiling. Even though he was so exhausted earlier, he’s too in his mind now to even think of sleeping. He’s too conscious of Taeyong right next to him, and it leads him to think.

_If Taeyong told me he felt this way without this stupid potion, would I have…?_

Yuta manages to barely catch a groan in time – it’s mind-blowing to him how quickly he would’ve accepted it. He would’ve been over the moon and it makes him feel sick, how weak he is against his feelings. He frowns and lightly starts when he hears his name called.

“Yukkuri?” Taeyong asks quietly. “Are you awake?”

Yuta freezes and pretends he’s fidgeting in his sleep, but Taeyong persists.

“Yuta? Jagiya?”

Yuta is unable to stop the uncomfortable cough emerging from his mouth and he can practically _hear_ Taeyong smirk.

“I knew that would get you to answer.”

“Ugh, you’re such a…”

Even though he knows he can’t see it, Yuta hates, _hates, HATES_ that he can feel his face grow hot.

“Can I call you jagiya?” Taeyong continues to tease. “Yeobo? Anata?”

“I’m going to kill you,” Yuta moans into his blanket. “Seriously, shut up, Taeyong.”

“But I want you to know how precious you are to me,” Taeyong pouts and Yuta can actually _hear_ it. “I want _everyone_ to know.”

“…why do you even like me so much?” Yuta asks curiously, wondering what the potion will make Taeyong say.

“Because you’re pretty!” Taeyong says cheerfully, and Yuta rolls his eyes. He should’ve known, this stupid potion has probably blinded Taeyong into thinking that he-

“…no matter what you do,” the Korean man adds, and Yuta pauses.

“What are you-?”

“When you dance so hard and you look tired, you look pretty. The time you were embarrassed because the fans kept calling you ‘kawaii’, you looked pretty. When you cry when you watch animations, you look pretty. When you yell at your phone when you’re watching soccer games, you look pretty. You always look pretty… jagiya.”

Taeyong happily wiggles in bed and all Yuta can think, in stun, is that Taeyong really noticed him. He wonders if it’s a side-effect of the potion, like maybe it pulls out every single moment in his brain  Taeyong ever saw him, but still… he wants to believe, deep down, that it’s only like this because Taeyong… was watching him.

Yuta sighs.

“No! Yukkuri, don’t be sad!” Taeyong’s frantic voice rings through the dark and Yuta jumps.

“Keep it down!” he hisses. “The others are sleeping!”

“But I don’t want you to be sad,” Taeyong says tearfully. “Are you upset, Yukkuri?”

“No,” Yuta confesses honestly. “Just confused.”

Yuta doesn’t hear any response and assumes Taeyong’s fallen asleep, so he turns over, but he has to stop himself from screaming when he feels gentle hands on his back.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong says quietly, not coming any closer than just on the side of the bed. “I don’t want you to be confused. I never want you to feel upset or unhappy, so until you fall asleep… can you let me just stay here?”

Yuta sighs loudly, curling up slightly. To his surprise, Taeyong doesn’t move, doesn’t go back to his bed, nor does he try to go any closer. The Korean man simply sits on the floor next to Yuta’s bed, and Yuta can practically _feel_ the loving gaze towards him, so he finally sighs again.

“Come on… come in.”

Taeyong freezes. “Wh- Wha-?”

“If you sleep on the floor, you’ll be sore in the morning, and Manager-hyung would kill me,” Yuta scoots over. "Get in.”

“But-”

“If you don’t want to, whatever,” Yuta says loudly, forgetting his own warning earlier about their teammates sleeping. “It’s not… I’m just making sure I’m not in trouble.”

“I’d never say no,” Taeyong doesn’t even give time for the insecurity to sink in for Yuta, and eagerly clambers into Yuta’s bed, pressing himself against the Japanese man’s body. Yuta forces himself to breathe slowly, but he can’t deny it.

Taeyong’s warmth comforts him and he finds himself growing sleepy again.

But before he does…

“…watch your hands, Lee Taeyong.”

“…sorry.”

* * *

* * *

**A/N:** Would just like to say... I wrote this chapter BEFORE Taeyong released that pic of himself in the apple hair, which I think is a clear sign that he stole my idea. Goddamn Taeyong being all cute and shit.


	3. Taeil Gets Informed

Yuta wakes up the next morning and yawns, stretching, before realizing what happened last night, and quickly looks next to him. The bed is cold and empty, and he berates himself immediately when he feels like a spurned boyfriend whose lover left him after their first night.

_…are you a fucking idiot, Nakamoto?_

He actually slaps himself on the cheek lightly to break himself out of it. What did he expect, Taeyong to be smiling at him in the morning to kiss him on the forehead and tell him how happy he was?

He freezes when he actually feels his heart skip a beat from that fantasy and slaps the other cheek. He forces himself to not be a moron, get out of bed, and makes his way out of the bedroom.

* * *

When he gets to the kitchen, Taeyong is once again in his cutesy apron, carefully grilling a steak. Yuta lightly coughs and Taeyong turns, eyes bright.

“Good morning, Yukkuri!”

“Um… hey,” Yuta mutters, coughing lightly. “Good morning.”

“Sit, sit, Yukkuri! I’m making a steak breakfast for you!”

“Oh, I-”

“Lots of protein since I know you’re going to work out today!” Taeyong says cheerfully, flipping the steak. “I’m putting eggs on the side, and I’m going to put some avocado on top!”

“Oh, uh… wow,” is all Yuta manages to say. “How did you know I’m working out today?”

“You always work out every other day!” Taeyong lightly seasons the eggs, bustling around and all Yuta thinks is how much Taeyong looks like some cute housewife.

“No vegetables?” Yuta makes sure, peering at the delicious-smelling meal.

“I know you hate vegetables,” the Korean man responds (sounding slightly scolding). “Your vegetable juice is on the table.”

Yuta automatically turns and even the slender glass of green juice looks brighter than usual. He sips it and blinks.

“This isn’t my vegetable juice.”

“Oh, I made fresh vegetable juice. I added watermelon and pineapple to make it sweet,” Taeyong bustles around the kitchen, before turning to give a scolding glare. “You need to stop drinking that processed vegetable juice from the store!”

“But I don’t eat vegetables,” Yuta all but whines. “I need to drink vegetable juice to get my vitamins.”

“I know. That’s why I made fresh vegetable juice for you!” Taeyong smiles cheerfully. “I made sure it tasted good.”

“How did you not wake the others up?” Yuta says, gulping down the tasty drink. “Our juicer sounds like a horror movie.”

“I went out and bought a silent one last night!” Taeyong responds brightly. “That way I can make juice for you and not bother the others!”

Yuta promptly chokes on the juice, pounding his chest.

“Wait… is that why you went out last night?”

“Yeah!” Taeyong turns the stove off, not seeing Yuta’s stunned gaze. “I walked to the department store, and it was still open!”

“…what about the sasaengs?” is all Yuta manages to say, and Taeyong neatly plates the steak, before shrugging.

“I ran. I think some of them took a few pictures of me, but I wanted to get you your juice!” Taeyong gently sets the plate down at the dining table. “Here you are. Hurry and eat before the others start coming in and asking for a piece.”

Yuta can only stare, frozen in place, and Taeyong tilts his head again.

“…Yukkuri?”

“You… really care about me,” Yuta looks down, feeling inexplicably ashamed. “Wow.”

“Hey…”

Yuta blinks and looks up to see Taeyong gazing at him with warm eyes, with eyes that Yuta secretly has always wished to see him, and suddenly, the Korean man is deeply embracing him, happily resting his head against Yuta’s shoulders.

“You’re right,” Taeyong says muffledly. “I do care about you. And I just want you to be happy always.”

Yuta just dumbly stares past Taeyong’s head, limply in his firm hug, until slowly, his arms comes up and lightly grasps the back of Taeyong’s T-shirt.

_Is this… okay?_

_No! You idiot, he’s been sprayed with a love potion, these feelings he has for you aren’t real!_

_…but I’m happy here… he’s holding me so tightly and I… I want to believe-_

_You’re just going to get hurt. This fantasy won’t last forever._

_But he noticed me. He… He was watching me even before._

_What, you think that means he **loves** you? You’re pathetic._

“Wh- Whoa, seriously? Come on, you guys!”

Yuta’s head snaps towards the kitchen entrance and he flushes when he sees Mark and Doyoung, the elder covering the younger’s eyes jokingly.

“Not in front of the kids!”

“Screw off, Doyoung!” Yuta scowls, struggling to get out of Taeyong’s tight hug. “Just because your closest companion is your right hand-!”

“Ohhhhhh!” Mark ignores Doyoung’s hand and laughs, clapping like a maniacal seal. “Burrrrrrrn!”

“Fuck you, Nakamoto!”

* * *

Taeil is currently not even in the apartment – the oldest member loves his sleep, but he also enjoys solving mysteries and he’s too curious to know what exactly NCT’s leader was affected by.

He checks his phone… yes, he’s at the right place. He secures his backpack and takes a deep breath before entering the dark flight of stairs that lead down.

He peers at the bottom of the long staircase, where he can see a door, faintly outlined with red light. He gulps.

Well… at least, if he was kidnapped and sold off, his sasaengs would probably still be snapping pictures of him, so that’s a reassuring thought.

_“Come in!”_

Taeil freezes; he didn’t even knock and a wispy voice from inside pre-emptively calls for him to enter. He swallows, and hesitantly opens the door.

“H- Hello?” he pokes his head in and gulps when he sees a young woman draped in strange looking beads. The red light is revealed to be from the glow of a crimson lamp in the corner, casting mysterious shadows over the woman, who smiles alluringly.

“Uh…”

“Come in,” the woman indicates. “I have been expecting you.”

“You have?” Taeil raises an eyebrow in disbelief, and the woman smiles sheepishly, dropping her arms.

“Okay, no, it’s part of my speech.”

“…are you actually psychic?”

“Yes. Let me explain the ways of the-”

“Then I’m leaving,” Taeil shrugs and the woman panics, almost amusedly.

“Okay, wait, wait, why did you come here then?”

“…how did you know I was at your door?” Taeil squints. The woman sighs, looking resigned.

“I have a CCTV outside the door.”

“Okay, good,” Taeil nods in satisfaction. “I’m not here to get my fortune told. I need something else.”

“…like what…?” the ‘psychic’ asks warily.

“My friend told me he recognized a brand on a bottle and he apparently got it from here, so I’m here to ask if you can explain it to me.”

“…I’m not here for-”

“How much?”

The woman sizes him up. “5 million won.”

Taeil winces, but nods. “Done. I need you to tell me what this bottle is.”

Taeil holds out the small container, and the woman’s eyes flash with surprise.

“Where did you… get this?”

“A fan sprayed it in one of my team member’s face, and now he’s acting weird.”

“Weird how?”

“…well…”

* * *

An hour later, Taeil gets to the practice room just in time for them to practice for ‘Cherry Bomb’ and gets into position, not speaking with anybody, his mind whirling.

“Taeil-hyung?”

He jumps. “Ah, yeah?”

Winwin tilts his head. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, thanks, Sicheng,” he smiles gently. “All good. Just…”

He trails off when he sees, across the room, Taeyong lightly patting Yuta’s back.

“Did you drink enough water, Yukkuri?”

“I’m fine, Taeyong,” Yuta sighs. “I drank before I came.”

“Okay, well if you need more, let me know!” Taeyong insists. “I brought a bottle for you!”

“…okay.”

Taeil bites his lower lip when he sees the tender interaction between the two. He doesn’t know how to share what he found out earlier, but he doesn’t want to keep this information to himself.

He needs a partner, someone else who can back him up with this information when shit hits the fan later.

Even though Taeil knows how to find information, how to be calculating and exact, he’s not socially adept enough to know how to respond when people find out news such as this.

“All right, let’s go!”

Taeil snaps back to attention; he cares about his teammates, but he’s here to do a job. Professionalism first.

* * *

A few hours later, the boys all collapse against the mirror, sweating and heaving. They’ve been practicing the dance several times in different ways; half-speed, twice-speed, without music…

Taeyong is already fussing over Yuta, tenderly wiping his sweat off with a small towel. Yuta flushes.

“Dude, take care of yourself first!” he tries to bat Taeyong’s hands away, but the leader persists.

“No, not until you drink your water,” he says stubbornly, holding out a bottle of chilled water. Yuta’s eyes widen upon seeing the frosted plastic.

“How… did you get this to stay cold?”

“I put it in my thermal pack with some ice,” Taeyong explains, still dabbing the towel against Yuta’s damp skin. “Drink it, Yukkuri, you’re overheated.”

“I’m thirsty too!” Haechan whines and Taeyong indicates towards his backpack.

“I have some water bottles in there too for you guys.”

The team grumbles at the clear difference in treatment, but crack open the water bottles for themselves. Taeil, as he drinks, takes the opportunity to sneak a glance at the other members.

_Doyoung? No, he’s too worrisome, he’ll meddle more than he has to._

_Donghyuk? Too young._

_Minhyung? He’s too busy with all the promotions, he probably won’t be here when I’ll need the backup._

_Jaehyun? He’ll want to do the ‘right thing’ and try to tell both Taeyong and Yuta immediately._

_Youngho? …this was the dude who wrote TaeWin fanfiction and read it to us both. I don’t think so._

_Sicheng…?_

Taeil pauses and gazes at 127’s only Chinese member.

Sure… why not? Winwin may act young and unaware, but Taeil, being his roommate, knows how seriously the boy takes his job and his responsibilities. Taeil had originally had qualms about living with him, but Winwin had a surprising maturity to him that led to their room situation being nothing short of peaceful.

Taeil nods to himself before getting back to practice. Winwin it is.

* * *

When they get back to the dorm, Taeyong of course begins to prepare dinner ( _hanwoo_ for Yuta, pork belly for everyone else), as Doyoung helps with the rice (in exchange of getting a few pieces of _hanwoo_ ).

Yuta and Taeil begin to prepare to go to the gym, promising they’ll be back by dinnertime. Taeyong blushes and Yuta blinks in confusion.

“What are you-?”

Taeyong suddenly presses a quick kiss to Yuta’s cheek. “Come back soon, Yukkuri! I want you to eat the food I’m making for you!”

Yuta, to everyone’s surprise, doesn’t flinch or start screaming as he’s been doing. He instead looks pensive, and finally clears his throat, unable to stop his ears from turning red.

“Th- Thanks, I guess. I’ll… I’ll see you soon.”

Taeyong’s eyes shine with excitement and he whirls around, running to the kitchen to keep cooking.

Taeil doesn’t look surprised, just pleased, and the two of them leave the apartment.

Once they’re outside and on the sidewalk, Yuta sighs, before turning to his older friend.

“Was that good?”

“Good?”

“I’m trying to follow your advice,” Yuta shrugs, shifting his gym bag to his other shoulder; he pulled his muscle during dance practice earlier and it’s straining slightly now. “I’m kind of just… going with it.”

“Well, I think it’s a great idea,” Taeil smiles amicably. “Look at how happy you’ve made Taeyong just now.”

“But… you know…” Yuta lowers his head. “I don’t really think that’s… worth pursuing.”

“Why not?” Taeil asks gently, not pressuring his younger friend. “Don’t you feel somewhat happy when Taeyong shows you how he feels?”

“But that’s _not_ how he feels!” Yuta looks up, and has to be grateful for the dim lighting on the street so that Taeil can’t see his pained eyes. “He doesn’t _really_ feel this way! It’s from this stupid potion or whatever!”

“But if it wasn’t…” Taeil pushes. “Would you be happy?”

“…I don’t… I don’t know,” Yuta confesses and Taeil shakes his head.

“Why not?” he asks again, waiting for the answer that he already knows, and Yuta sighs in frustration.

“I really don’t-”

“Yuta, it’s just me,” Taeil assures him, sounding safe and warm and Yuta finally relents.

“Because I’m not good enough,” he whispers. “If Taeyong acted like this without that potion, I would… I would reject him because he could do better. At least with this potion, I can… I can’t say no to him now. So when it’s over, I’ll… I guess we’ll just go back to how we were.”

“But what do _you_ want, Yuta?” Taeil shakes his head. “Why are you so convinced it’s impossible for Taeyong to fall in love with you naturally? I know he acts sweet with you on camera, but did it occur to you that he would never have been able to achieve that amount of tenderness unless some of it was somewhat real?”

“…come on, Hyung, let’s warm up,” Yuta outright ignores the question as they approach the gym and Taeil inwardly sighs. This is going to be harder than it looked.

* * *

* * *

Smut for the next chapter, I swear. Hehehe


	4. Yuta Gets Relieved

Yuta digs into his dinner, and he can’t deny that it’s delicious. He smiles at Taeyong in a way that feels awkward to him, but Taeyong looks pleased just to look at him. Yuta continues to eat, but finally speaks up.

“You need to eat, too,” he frowns, eating a bite of kimchi. “Why-?”

“But when I see you eating, I feel full already,” Taeyong smiles dreamily, eyes warm as he gazes at Yuta. The other members don’t even bother teasing them anymore (most of them just look sad that they’ve only gotten pork belly while the lucky Japanese member has the luxurious beef).

After he checks nobody’s saying anything teasing, Yuta finally clears his throat, and finally holds out a piece of _hanwoo_ between his chopsticks.

“…here…”

Taeyong’s eyes widen. “R- Really? Y- Yukkuri, you don’t have to-!”

“I… I don’t feel good if you don’t eat and just watch me,” Yuta says, determinedly not making eyes with the lovesick man. “Eat it…”

Taeyong doesn’t take a second to hesitate, and eagerly eats the tender meat, looking much happier at receiving food from the hand of the man he loves, than at eating such delicious food.

“Yukkuri, thank you!” he smiles so happily, Yuta can’t even stop himself from smiling back. Taeyong smiles and strokes his cheek.

“Eat the rest of it,” he murmurs, voice soft. “I want you to eat what I’ve made.”

“But-”

“ _I’ll eat it!_ ” Johnny throws his chopsticks down, and in true Youngho fashion, throws his hands up in the air. “Seriously, I can’t take this! The cow that became this _hanwoo_ didn’t die to watch you two make kissy-faces at each other!”

* * *

Yuta rubs his swollen stomach as he enters the bedroom, moaning slightly at how good the dinner was.

“Did you like the dinner, Yukkuri?” Taeyong smiles, lightly rubbing his back. Yuta hiccups and smiles back at him, unable to stop his cheerful feelings.

“Yeah, it was delicious! Thank you, Taeyong!”

He feels slightly out of it (most likely from overeating), and hugs Taeyong, hiccupping again.

Taeyong hugs him back, and Yuta sleepily is about to step out of the grasp, when he suddenly feels a soft kiss behind his ear. His eyes widen and he’s unable to stop an unmanly squeak from slipping past his lips.

“Tae-”

Taeyong steps back, looking sheepish. “Sorry, you smelled so good. I couldn’t resist.”

With that, Taeyong clambers into his bed and leaves Yuta blinking owlishly. Taeyong gives Yuta another abashed gaze.

“I… I didn’t mess up, did I, Yuta? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“N- No, you’re fine,” Yuta coughs, before slowly slipping into the bed with him. Taeyong’s face (which is just as flawless close-up) shows complete surprise as his eyes widen.

“Y- Yukkuri?”

“…this is okay, right?” Yuta mutters, looking down. “I mean… What’s the point of us both sleeping in Donghyuk’s bed? Your bed’s here, might as well sleep in this one, since it’s bigger anyways.”

With that, he turns around to give his back to Taeyong, but he can already feel the smile against the back of his neck as Taeyong carefully wraps his arms around Yuta, hands on his stomach.

“Thank you, Yukkuri,” Taeyong whispers and Yuta pretends he doesn’t notice his ears turning hot again.

* * *

Yuta can’t sleep.

Taeyong passed out like a light (most likely from how exhaustingly he cooked), but Yuta can’t drift off. He’s unsure if it’s from the scent of Taeyong that overwhelms him or the muscular arm that holds him protectively, but a little part of him knows what it is, deep down.

The kiss Taeyong placed behind his ear stirred… something in him. Something that’s itching at him to handle. He mentally groans.

He really doesn’t want to get up now to do this, but his hormones clamber at him, suddenly flooding him with images he saw in an online video last week when he had some free time and was in the mood.

He gingerly begins to get off the bed, ready to head to the bathroom, but of course…

“Yukkuri…?” Taeyong says sleepily, fingers fluttering against Yuta’s tank top. He freezes.

“…Yuta, what’s wrong?” Taeyong’s voice is still rough. “What happened?”

“I just have to go to the bathroom,” Yuta whispers back. “Go back to sleep!”

“…you haven’t been sleeping,” Taeyong says more clearly this time. “Why didn’t you sleep?”

“N- No reason,” Yuta stutters, feeling slightly panicked. “I just… I have to go.”

“…okay,” Taeyong begins to let him go, but as he moves, his hand accidentally brushes over Yuta’s bulge, and the Japanese man can’t bite back a hiss. Taeyong freezes, and Yuta’s eyes pop open in the dark.

_Oh god. Oh god, this is not happening._

“Oh…” Taeyong’s voice is soft, almost wondrous. “Yuta…”

"..."

"..."

“Taeyong, this isn’t-”

“You’re hard…” Taeyong whispers, almost reverently. “Is this why you have to go?”

“…Taeyong, I really don’t want to deal with-” Yuta pauses when he feels Taeyong’s hands at the top of his boxers.

“What if I… help you?” Taeyong murmurs, voice gentle and husky. “May I?”

Yuta hesitates. “You don’t have to... I mean, I was just going to go to the bathroom and do it myself-”

“Let me take care of you, baby,” Taeyong’s voice comes out, sounding deeper than usual, and Yuta freezes again, this time from arousal. Taeyong’s thumb comes to gently tease the bulge through his thin boxers. Yuta keens, letting out a soft mewl, and Taeyong presses kisses against the back of his ear again. Yuta can feel the spot burn, and lets out a soft gasp when his boxers suddenly come down.

“Is this okay?” Taeyong asks, voice thick with lust but still gentle, so, so gentle. Yuta nods, barely managing to whimper a yes, as Taeyong’s hand comes down again and begins to stroke Yuta’s leaking erection.

Yuta writhes and squirms, as Taeyong steadily rubs him off, still pressing his lips against the back of Yuta’s neck. In the blinding pleasure, all Yuta can think is how romantic this feels, more loving than sexual, and he feels tears brim in his eyes. He’s unsure if it’s from sensitivity or how emotional he feels, but he welcomes both feelings. His hand is cool and dry and feels so good, so safe...

Taeyong’s lips against the tender flesh behind his ear, his firm but gentle strokes, his murmured words of desire…

Yuta cums embarrassingly soon, and he takes a second to catch his breath, letting the spark of orgasm run through his body. He pants, feeling exhausted but completed satiated.

It only takes a split second, but before long, the bottom of his stomach drops, and he feels shame, hot and disgusting, curl up in his gut.

What… What the hell did he just _do_?! Taeyong didn’t actually want him, and he had just let the man jerk him off while under the spell of some fucked up potion!

Yuta wants to die, but suddenly, Taeyong is reaching over to his bedside table to pick up a tissue, and he carefully wipes the sticky residue off of Yuta’s limp privates. Yuta starts.

“I don’t want you to itch,” Taeyong says softly, nuzzling the back of Yuta’s shoulder. “Was that okay, Yukkuri?”

“Oh god,” Yuta covers his face with his hands. “What have I-?”

“You know…” Taeyong says shyly. “I wanted to do that for a really long time.”

Yuta pauses and peeks out of his hands, gazing into the darkness. “R- Really?”

“Yeah,” Taeyong confesses. “You were always just so pretty, so I would get really bothered and I fantasized about being the person to make you feel good like this.”

Yuta hesitates. If Taeyong had lusted for him before, then… wouldn’t this be okay? Technically, it was consensual, and one handjob isn’t exactly a declaration of love.

“O- Okay… thanks,” Yuta says awkwardly, before mentally smacking himself. _Thanks?_

“Anyways, get some sleep, Yukkuri,” Taeyong presses another kiss against the back of Yuta’s head. “I hope that was enough to relax you.”

“W- Wait…” Yuta’s not exactly the keenest observer ever, but he can feel Taeyong’s hardness pressing against his backside. “What about you?”

“I’ll be right back,” Taeyong assures, and Yuta turns to protest, but Taeyong is already sliding out of the bed and heading into the bathroom. Yuta wants to say he’s polite enough to give Taeyong privacy, but when he hears Taeyong’s quiet but heavy breathing from the bathroom, he can’t resist, whimpering softly to himself.

Not long after that, Taeyong returns, slipping in behind Yuta, sighing happily against his ear. Yuta can’t just let this go, though.

“Taeyong,” he whispers into darkness. “You didn’t have to do that. I feel bad, I could’ve-”

Taeyong lays a light kiss against the back of Yuta’s shoulder. “I already told you, I wanted to take care of you. That's all I needed.”

He nuzzles the area carefully. “Go to sleep, Yukkuri.”

And sure enough, Yuta dozes off not long after that, the remnant whispers of a kiss pressing against the back of his head.

* * *

Dong Sicheng isn’t sure why he wakes up so early, but he squints the next morning and realizes he’s awake because the curtain in his room is open, spilling blinding light into the room.

“Hyung…?” he says groggily, and comes face to face with Taeil, who looks hesitant.

“Good morning, Sicheng-ah.”

“Why are you awake so early?” the man yawns, doing some stretches that make Taeil wince in pain from just looking.

“I’m sorry, but I have to talk to you about something,” he says softly, before indicating towards the door. “Shall we get breakfast and talk?”

Winwin nods, careful not to wake a still snoozing Haechan as the two older men walk out of the room.

* * *

Yuta’s eyes pop open in the morning, before last night’s events flood his mind and he groans, burying his face in his arms.

“ ** _Fuck_** ,” he spits out a curse in Japanese before moaning again. He checks behind him and sure enough, Taeyong isn’t there, but the smell of bacon wafts through the dorm, and Yuta sighs, letting his head hit the mattress angrily.

_Just go out there. You’re not a fucking teenager who just lost his virginity. You’ve hooked up with people before, it’s not that big of a deal, Nakamoto._

_Yeah, but you’ve never hooked up with a teammate, especially when you’re in love with said team-_

Yuta quickly shuts up that voice and gets out of bed, cheeks hot when he feels the stiff reminder of last night’s excretion against the front of his boxers. He quickly sheds the boxers and heads to the bathroom to shower off last night’s dirty sin.

* * *

“Why are you doing laundry?” Mark asks as he eats a big spoonful of fried kimchi rice. Taeyong tosses the skillet expertly.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” he scolds, before turning to the others. “Does everyone have a plate?”

He’s met with five voices that chorus ‘Yes’ back to him. Yuta has his own special plate of kimchi fried rice with two neat strips of bacon on top and a perfect fried egg on top beaming at him to complete the image. The others clearly didn’t get this sort of dish but he chooses to keep his mouth shut as he digs in. Johnny looks around.

“Wait, where’s…?”

“Taeil-hyung and Sicheng headed out this morning,” Taeyong shrugs. “Said something about getting breakfast outside today.”

The other members of the group grumble something tired in response, until Doyoung looks up from his plate.

“Oh yeah… you never answered Mark’s question. Why is the laundry machine going on? It’s so loud this morning.”

“Oh, I had to wash my sheets,” Taeyong says casually, and Yuta promptly chokes.

“Hyung?” Haechan gives him a puzzled look before handing him a glass of water. “You okay?”

“Y- Yeah,” Yuta wheezes. “S- Sorry. All good.”

“You’re washing your sheets this early?” Jaehyun blinks in surprise. “What for?”

“Ah, I meant to do it yesterday, and I forgot, so I decided to do it first thing this morning so that I wouldn’t put it off,” Taeyong shrugs casually as he sits with his own small bowl of fried rice, and the others let it go, except for Yuta, who bites his lower lip nervously.

Suddenly, Taeyong looks up, makes eye contact with him, and while nobody is looking, the Korean man sends Yuta a sly wink before his expression relaxes and he goes back to eating his fried rice. Yuta can’t help a smile as he continues to eat.

* * *

Winwin’s eyes grow wide when Taeil finishes telling him what the pseudo-psychic told him yesterday.

“Doesn’t that mean…?”

“Yeah,” Taeil nods. “It does.”

“But… not that I don’t feel glad that you’re telling me this, Hyung,” Winwin says hesitantly. “But why _are_ you telling me this and not Taeyong-hyung and Yuta-hyung?”

“Because I think it’ll be wise to have at least the two of us know, so that we can deal with damage control when… you know, the potion wears off.”

“But shouldn’t they know?” Winwin persists and Taeil shakes his head.

“No. Do you know about the butterfly effect?”

“Butterfly effect?” Winwin tilts his head in confusion. Even though his Korean has improved over time, he still doesn’t understand the phrase, and Taeil hastily explains.

“Basically, it means doing even a small thing can affect something that’s really big in the future. Like maybe a tornado happens, but it started because a butterfly started flapping its wings weeks ago. Something that tiny can affect something big. If we tell Taeyong and Yuta… it could change how their relationship would change in the future.”

“But…” Winwin sighs and nods. “So we at least know this to make sure they don’t hate each other in the end?”

Taeil gulps down his cortado, before levelly meeting his younger teammate’s eyes.

“Exactly.”


	5. Taeyong Gets Jealous

Yuta is nervous as he approaches the bedroom the following night. Even though he and Taeyong acted totally normal with each other throughout the day, he can’t help but to remember last night. Last night was…

Hot.

Beautiful.

…loving.

Yuta shakes his head at that last word.

 _It was one-sided_ , he reminds himself. He doesn’t have the right to call Taeyong his. Especially when Taeyong is under the influence of that fucked-up potion.

Still…

His eyes grow misty as he recalls the gentle way Taeyong handled him last night, whispering promises and heated words against his skin.

Yuta is snapped out of his luxurious fantasies when he catches Taeyong carefully making up his bed. Yuta immediately feels guilty.

Everyone and their mothers know that Taeyong is an extreme clean freak. Last night, Yuta selfishly dirtied Taeyong’s sheets and now he feels-

“Yukkuri!” Taeyong’s eyes brighten happily and suddenly, Yuta doesn’t feel so low anymore as Taeyong bounds over to him and happily hugs him.

“You were so cool at dance practice today!” Taeyong smiles cheerfully and Yuta just lightly thwacks his side.

“Dude, shut up, you’re the one who’s doing that center drop at the end of the song!”

“Still, you looked so handsome,” Taeyong smiles even more brightly, before suddenly scowling.

“Oh yeah, but I didn’t like that Taeil-hyung stole you when we were warming up.”

“Stole me?” Yuta’s eyebrow furrow. “What are you _talking_ about?”

“You know!” Taeyong’s voice raises ever so slightly as his expression changes to that of an annoyed boyfriend. “When we had to partner up during the stretching before dance practice!”

Yuta strains to remember Taeil ‘stealing’ him and frowns.

“Wait…”

-

_“All right, let’s stretch!” Taeyong clapped. “Sicheng, you’re on your own since you can stretch well enough.”_

_The Chinese man salutes before getting into a stretching position. Meanwhile, Taeyong eagerly heads towards his love, his one and only, his sun and moon and-_

_“Yuta-yah, you wanna stretch together?”_

_The Japanese man shrugs at Taeil, not noticing the thunderstruck, frozen Taeyong. “Yeah, okay.”_

_The eldest hyung has Yuta lay on his back and Yuta puts his legs in the air, letting Taeil push down on them so that his knees are close to his ears, looking more like a position from the kama sutra than a stretching exercise. Taeyong sees the suggestive position and sees **fucking red**. He’s ready to go over there, hyung and age hierarchy be damned, but Jaehyun steps in._

_“Taeyong-hyung, be my stretching partner?”_

_Taeyong grits his teeth, but manages to snap an agreement. Jaehyun, who hasn’t noticed anything wrong, goes behind Taeyong and loops their arms together so that they bend over and stretch each other’s backs out._

_Meanwhile, Taeil is bending in close to Yuta._

_“Is everything okay?” he murmurs quietly. Yuta blinks in confusion._

_“Yes. Why?”_

_“…how come you can’t look Taeyong in the eye today?”_

_Yuta gulps and turns away, cheeks flushed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“Yuta…” Taeil’s voice sounds annoyed as he lowers it and leans it closer so that Yuta can still hear. “You need to get out of this idea that you’re not good enough for him. You shouldn’t think that you’re not good for anybody. You deserve to be loved.”_

_“But-!”_

_“Stretching’s done!” Taeyong loudly announces when he sees Taeil practically leaning completely into Yuta at this point. “Everyone get to your position!”_

_“But Hyung, you didn’t stretch my bac-”_

_“ **Into positions!** ” Taeyong roars and everyone suddenly feels stretched enough already. The music begins to start, and they all begin to get into the rhythm of the song, but-_

_“Taeil-hyung!” Taeyong barks in the middle of the song, making everyone freeze, including Taeil, but the eldest member keeps his expression blank._

_“Yes, Taeyong?” he says plainly. Taeyong’s expression is ugly and looks downright petty._

_“You missed a step during the beat. Let’s do it again.”_

_“But that’s not even Taeil-hyung’s par-”_

_“We’re doing it **again** ,” Taeyong insists and Taeil just shakes his head._

_“You heard him. Let’s start again. My bad.”_

_-_

“Wait a minute…” Yuta pauses before his expression grows furious. “Is _that_ why you made us keep restarting?! Because Taeil-hyung wanted to be my partner during the warm-up stretch?!”

“…er… no…!” Taeyong tries to protest and Yuta just throws his hands up.

“I can’t with you, Lee Taeyong!”

Yuta heads to Haechan’s bed, only to be stopped by a hand on his wrist.

“W- Wait,” Taeyong’s voice is small. “Are you… Aren’t you sleeping in my bed tonight, Yukkuri?”

Yuta takes a deep breath. “I don’t think… that’s a good idea, Taeyong.”

“But why?” Taeyong’s eyes are wide and sad. “Is it because of what I did today? I’m sorry, Yuta, I was just so _jealous_ , because Taeil-hyung got to hold you and-”

“It’s because I don’t trust myself if you’re so close!” Yuta interrupts, before exhaling slowly. Taeyong’s eyes grow even wider.

“Y- Yuta…?”

“Look, last night…” Yuta starts and trails off, unsure how to continue, but Taeyong looks down at his hands.

“Do you… regret it?” he asks quietly, and Yuta has to be honest.

“Yes.”

Taeyong doesn’t respond, but when Yuta sees the swell of tears in Taeyong’s eyes, he knows he has to come clean.

“…I regret it because I feel like I took advantage of you.”

Taeyong’s head shoots up, eyes wide in surprise. “Never, Yukkuri!”

“But-”

Without warning, Taeyong suddenly hugs him again, burying his face in Yuta’s neck. “No, Yukkuri… you could never. I was so… so _happy_ when I realized I was able to make you feel good. So, so happy.”

“Taeyong…”

“If I could make you feel that good every night…” Taeyong confesses. “I think I could die a happy man.”

Yuta flushes immediately. “Oh _come on_ , don’t be so-”

Taeyong’s grip on him suddenly tightens and Yuta gasps, clutching the back of Taeyong’s shirt.

“I… I felt so good yesterday night,” Taeyong whispers, hand dangerously low on Yuta’s back. “Did I make you feel good, Yuta? Tell me, please, my love, tell me I made you happy.”

“…you’ve always made me happy,” Yuta manages to whimper softly, eyes fixed on the ceiling, unable to stop the hot tears from welling in his eyes. “Always.”

“Then that’s all I need,” Taeyong smiles tenderly, and presses light kisses against Yuta’s eyelids. “Yuta…”

Yuta lets out a soft squeak of surprise as Taeyong hands travel from his back… to his hips… and to the front of his jeans.

“Can I…?” Taeyong murmurs. “Tonight too…?”

Yuta swallows. “You… Again? After yesterday, you… you don’t have to…”

Taeyong takes that as a sign to slowly lower Yuta’s jeans and gently rubs the wet spot that’s started to slowly form on his boxers already. Yuta’s cheeks turn hot as Taeyong gently guides him to take a seat on the bed made up with freshly laundered sheets.

“Taeyong, you- ah!” Yuta quickly tries to cover his cry as the Korean man lightly kisses the tip of his erection, before slowly encasing it in his hot mouth. Yuta moans, leaning back as both pleas and apologies tumble out of his lips.

“T- Taeyong-ah, you don’t have to do this… oh god, oh _god_ … No, I should be doing this for you…”

Taeyong just kneels before the man he loves as he pleasures him as enthusiastically as he can, and Yuta’s fingers lightly trail through his hair, tears welling in his eyes again for a different reason.

“H- Hot… ah… your mouth is too…” Yuta tries to resist fucking into Taeyong’s mouth but suddenly, one of Taeyong’s hands sneak up and begins to lightly caress and fiddle with one of Yuta’s sensitive nipples. Yuta writhes in stun, unable to stop himself from humping forward slightly into Taeyong’s mouth. The Korean man chokes slightly but continues to take Yuta’s cock into his hot cavern, before sliding his lips off with a ‘pop’.

“I’m doing this for you,” his voice is slightly raspy from his raw throat. “I just want you to feel good.”

“But I want you to feel good too,” Yuta tries to argue convincingly, despite his voice trembling. Taeyong begins to lightly chafe Yuta’s other nipple, almost in a scolding way.

“Just relax and let me take care of you.”

Taeyong swallows Yuta almost whole this time and Yuta has to bite down a loud cry as his panting grows louder and heavier.

“T- Taeyong-ah…!” Yuta cries as he flings his head back and orgasms, his cum spilling into Taeyong’s mouth. Taeyong’s expression changes a few times, clearly struggling to swallow, before he finally goes to the bathroom and spits into the sink.

“Yukkuri, you need to eat more fruit, your cum tastes like… Yuta…?”

Yuta limply lays on Taeyong’s bed, pants and boxers both pooled at his ankles, tears rolling down his cheeks as he gazes blankly at the ceiling. Taeyong panics as he approaches the mindless man.

“Yuta? Yukkuri, I’m sorry I didn’t swallow. Don’t think it’s because I was disgusted, it’s just… well it did taste a little weird, but… Yuta?” Taeyong pleads. “Yuta, please, stop crying, I feel horrible. Was I… Was I bad?”

“N- No,” Yuta sobs. “No, you were wonderful. I don’t know why… I don’t know why I can’t stop crying… I’m sorry, Taeyong-ah. I’m so… I’m so sorry…”

“Yuta-”

“I’m a horrible person,” Yuta weeps, hiding his eyes with his hands. “How can I love you this much but do something so disgusting to you…?”

He begins to mumble, but Taeyong’s eyes widen when he realizes what Yuta is saying.

Taeyong doesn’t say anything for a moment, but finally comes forward and begins to take Yuta’s socks off. Yuta’s too disoriented to argue and little by little, Taeyong slowly sheds Yuta of his lower body clothing. To Yuta’s surprise, Taeyong then goes into bathroom and re-emerges with a warm damp cloth. He wipes down Yuta’s thighs, cleaning off the remaining cum, and Yuta can only watch him in silent stun, confused as to what’s going on.

Taeyong then returns to the bathroom to discard the cloth, and returns with a fresh pair of boxers. He holds Yuta’s foot carefully as he threads the still limp man’s legs through the underwear, sliding it up until Yuta is dry, clean, and warm.

He then encourages Yuta to sit up and slowly raises his T-shirt up, smoothly slipping it off of him. He grabs one of his own wifebeaters and lets it settle onto Yuta’s body. Yuta, surprisingly, feels himself calming down. He feels… cleaner, somehow.

Taeyong then lowers himself in front of Yuta, this time with a warm smile and gentle, understanding eyes.

“Does that seem like the actions of someone who was taken advantage of?” Taeyong says quietly. “I wanted you in my mouth, Yuta. I know you think I’m under the influence of some weird drug, but the fact is, I’ve fantasized about you for a long time.”

“R- Really?” Yuta manages to stop trembling, and peeks up at Taeyong. The man smiles gently.

“Yes, really. And… it sounds like you’ve been feeling that way about me too for some time.”

Yuta looks down at his hands before swallowing. “I… I’m confused.”

“Confused about what?” Taeyong asks, sounding slightly apprehensive. Yuta looks up.

“Confused about… how I feel. Because honestly… I really like this side of you a lot,” Yuta admits. “I do – you’ve been nothing but wonderful, but… Taeyong-ah, I miss the old you.”

“I’m still me-” he tries to insist, but Yuta shakes his head.

“I fell in love with you because of your sarcasm, your wit, your laugh… don’t think for a second I don’t like it when you pamper me, but… you’re not the same Taeyong. So I don’t know if… I don’t know if maybe this different Taeyong is the only one who’s in love with me.”

“I might be a different one, but I’m still Lee Taeyong,” the Korean man points out. “And all I know is that this Lee Taeyong loves you. I love you, Nakamoto Yuta.”

Yuta looks down again, but pretends this time that he isn’t hiding tears.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Taeyong whispers, pressing a light kiss against Yuta’s forehead. “Okay?”

“…okay,” Yuta agrees softly, feeling strange. He never thought he would ever, ever, _ever_ tell the team leader how he felt, but now… this situation it seems almost safe to.

“But you know…” Taeyong whispers against his ear when they’re laying in bed flush against each other. Yuta ‘hmms’ in response, mind still whirling. Taeyong’s voice suddenly turns deep and downright husky.

“If this ‘me’ is the one who makes you feel good and pampers you and makes you happy… I hope I never turn back into the old Lee Taeyong.”

And with that, he falls silent and Yuta can feel his breath elongate against the back of his neck. Yuta, however, finds it difficult to fall asleep that night, worrying his lower lip.

* * *

“Yuta-hyung, are you okay?” Jaehyun asks, eyes wide and Yuta looks up blearily.

“Huh?”

“You have dark circles under your eyes!” Doyoung says in surprise. “You never have those!”

“I have dark circles?!” Yuta’s eyes widen as he gets up to check the mirror. “Oh god-!”

“They’re not that bad,” Taeil peers at him. “I think it just stands out to us because you almost never have dark circles.”

“Lucky,” Doyoung mumbles as Yuta tries to flatten them with his fingers and whines when he sees his less than flattering swollen bags.

“How’d you get dark circles, hyung?” Jaehyun asks curiously. “You can sleep two hours and still look rejuvenated for the day typically.”

“It’s fine,” Taeyong emerges from the kitchen, a large plate piled high with pancakes in his hands. “I already called manager-hyung, he confirmed we don’t have any schedules today.”

“…thanks,” Yuta mumbles shyly, looking down at his lap, and this time, the other members begin to slowly see the shifting dynamic between the two ’95-liners.

Taeil looks like he’s torn between amusement, happiness, and concern. Yuta sends Taeyong a small smile, and he shoots back a grin that makes Yuta’s smile grow and Johnny finally loudly clears his throat.

“Hey, uh, where are Mark and Donghyuk?”

“Oh, Manager-hyung woke them extra-early this morning to go practice with the Dream kids,” Taeyong explains as he begins to slide pancakes onto each member’s plates. “Poor kids, they were practically stumbling out of here.”

Johnny sighs. “That sucks, it really does. I hope they get some sleep later.”

“You know Mark,” Jaehyun speaks up. “Every time he has some time to sleep, he spends it practicing.”

The conversation tapers off and the remaining seven members eat their breakfast as they consider what to do during the day.

* * *

“Hey… Yukkuri…”

Yuta looks up from the dish he’s just finished washing. “Yeah?”

Taeyong shyly fidgets and Yuta has to fight the urge to hug him and encouragingly rub his back. Taeyong’s question, however, throws the Japanese man for a complete loop.

“Do you… want to go on a date with me today?”

“…yeah,” Yuta can’t stop the small smile from spreading across his face. “Yeah, I think I’d really like that.”

* * *

They settle on going for a ferry ride on the Han River – most people who are on the ferry cruise are usually foreign tourists who wouldn’t recognize them, and they wear masks just to be safe. To both (neither) of their surprises, Yuta has taken this cruise before (a few times) while Taeyong has never been on the actual river.

The boat is thankfully near empty (most likely because of the time and day, since most people are in school or at work), so the two of them are easily able to find a space along the edge of the boat where there are no people. Yuta gazes out at the sparkling waters, feeling tranquil at being close to nature. He loves nature, loves the outdoors, and more than anything, he loves that he’s come here with someone he cares so much about.

Taeyong’s fingers inch towards Yuta’s and soon, their hands are gently touching, on the railing of a boat where the world is only the two of them.


	6. Yuta Feels Loved

“Are they gone?” Yuta asks in a loud whisper, and Taeyong peers outside.

“Yeah, I think so. Come on…”

He holds his hand out, and Yuta hesitantly, but surely grasps it. The two of them had been on the run from sasaengs and ended up ducking into an abandoned building until the crazy stalkers had finally tried searching for them elsewhere.

“This way,” Taeyong whispers before slipping into the Japanese restaurant next door. Yuta gazes around; this place is nice and empty and private. The hostess greets them and guides them to a cozy table in the back; Yuta soon relaxes when he realizes the sasaengs aren’t chasing them anymore, and begins to peruse the menu.

“Let’s get eel,” Taeyong speaks up as he gazes at the options. “It’s good for you, and manager-hyung would probably flip out if we gain too much weight.”

“Agreed,” Yuta says dryly. “I imagine you feeding me all these luxurious breakfasts is not exactly helping either.”

“I’m sorry, Yukkuri,” Taeyong looks down. “I was just trying to make delicious things for you.”

“Oh god,” Yuta covers his eyes. “Stop. You shouldn’t apologize; I’m an asshole, I should be thanking you for making me such good food. Thanks, Taeyong.”

Taeyong peeks up, and can’t help a small smile of satisfaction. “You’re not an asshole, but I’m glad. You’re welcome, Yukkuri!”

They order two portions of eel, and after they finish ordering to the (disinterested-looking) server, an awkward silence falls over them.

“Taeyon-”

“I-”

They stare at each other, until Taeyong clears his throat. “G- Go ahead.”

“No, you can.”

“Well… I had a question…” Taeyong starts hesitantly. “But… my question is a little… weird.”

“Weird how?” Yuta raises an eyebrow, and Taeyong slumps.

“Do you… have feelings for Taeil-hyung?”

Yuta’s eyebrows go so high up, it wouldn’t shock him if they disappear into his hair. “A- Are you kidding me?! Taeil-hyung? I already told you how I felt about you! Why-?”

“It’s just… every time you two are near each other, you guys look like you’re talking about something so private, something only you two know.”

Yuta hesitates, wondering if it's wise to share his strange insecurities as of late. “You… You don’t have to feel that way, Taeyong. The truth is-”

They’re interrupted when their food arrives, and the two of them dig in less from hunger and more from trying desperately to avoid conversation. Finally, Taeyong looks up.

“O- Oh yeah,” he says, trying to sound casual. “What was your question?”

“My… My question…” Yuta takes a deep breath. “Why did you want to go out on a date today?”

Taeyong squirms as he swallows. “Was it… bad?”

“No!” Yuta accidentally shouts, and he has to lower his voice when he sees the hostess’s annoyed gaze. “No, no… I was just… I’m confused, honestly. What… What are we, Taeyong?”

“Well, we’re teammates of course,” Taeyong responds and Yuta feels hurt slowly sinking into his bones, but Taeyong stops it immediately.

“But I wish we were more,” he says honestly. “I wish I could call you my boyfriend. I think you’re the only person I can ever love.”

Yuta’s eyes grow huge and the eel almost drops out of his mouth as he just stares, slack-jawed. Even though Taeyong did go through that silly phase of crooning and wailing his love, this is the first time Yuta’s heard Taeyong sound so serious, so wistful.

“Taeyong…”

The Korean man suddenly presses the ‘call’ button on their table, startling Yuta. When the server approaches them, Taeyong rubs his forehead.

“Could we get a bottle of sake here as well, please? The highest alcohol content.”

The server bows and Yuta just blinks in confusion.

“You want to drink?”

“I think I need it right now,” Taeyong admits. “It’s not really a great feeling, confessing my feelings to you and you know… knowing you and Taeil-hyung have a _some_ relationship.”

“But I _don’t_ like Taeil-hyung!” Yuta insists. “We just… He just… He’s just a hyung…”

He trails off and Taeyong all but slaps the cap off the bottle of sake, looking frustrated. He pours the liquid in the shot glass to the brim, before downing it. Yuta just stares; he’s seen Taeyong on different levels of stress, but this is a stress that he very rarely reaches.

Yuta slowly reaches out but Taeyong is already downing another shot, offering one to Yuta as well. Yuta hesitates, but for the sake of companionship, accepts the one glass, clinks it with Taeyong’s, and gulps it down (albeit more slowly than the frazzled man).

“I… I wish I could tell everyone that you’re mine,” Taeyong confesses, as he slams the glass down and then buries his face in his hands. “And it drives me crazy, because you’re not.”

“I want to be,” Yuta speaks up quickly. “God, believe me, Taeyong, I do, it’s just…”

“Just what?”

Yuta hesitates. “I… I don’t know if your feelings for me are real.”

“Think about how I’ve made you feel, about all the things I’ve done for you,” Taeyong insists. “How can you tell me that’s not real?”

“I don’t doubt your current feelings are real,” Yuta takes another shot, feeling slightly woozy, but he makes sure to raise his eyes to share a firm glance with Taeyong. “But come on… this only happened after you got sprayed in the face.”

“Oh come on!” Taeyong shakes his head. “What, you think it was a love potion or something? Love potions don’t exist, Yuta!”

“That’s what I thought!” Yuta shoots back. “But you have to admit, you weren’t exactly sucking my cock last week!”

Taeyong’s expression turns hurt, and Yuta knows he’s taken it too far. He sighs, sitting back down.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes. “I’m just… I’m scared, Taeyong. What if, one day, you wake up and realize how much better you can do?”

“Where could I possibly find someone better than you?” Taeyong pleads and Yuta shrugs.

“You… Well, there’s always Jaehyun,” he mumbles, unable to stop the hot flash of jealousy as he thinks of his flawless teammate. Taeyong’s expression grows discontent.

“How could you even compare yourself to Jaehyun?” he puts a gentle hand over Yuta’s. “Yuta…”

Yuta looks up and he can’t help it. The reasonable part of his brain screams and begs and warns him, but he looks into the eyes of the man he’s always noticed, and he lets himself fall.

* * *

It’s most likely the sake, but Yuta doesn’t remember how he and Taeyong actually safely get to the dorm, considering how tipsy they both are.

Taeyong lets Yuta use the bathroom first, which he doesn’t even bother disputing. He goes into the small room and takes a deep breath. He doesn’t know if maybe it’s because he’s drunk that he’s doing this, but a little part of him knows he wanted to do this ever since this morning, since Taeyong asked him out.

He paces the tiny bathroom a few times, trying to gain courage, before he finally just forces himself to man up ( _Get the fuck out there, Nakamoto_ ), and he opens the door.

Taeyong is dozing off on his desk chair, but looks up when he hears the door opening.

“Oh, Yukkuri, you’re don-?” he freezes and stares and Yuta feels his cheeks grow hot.

“D- Don’t just stare,” he says in embarrassment, clutching the towel around his bare body even tighter. Taeyong doesn’t say anything, just continuing to drink in Yuta’s image, clad in a simple bath towel with clearly nothing else underneath, and Yuta bites his lip as he looks down.

“Taeyong-ah, you… you’ve been… so good to me for the past few days,” he manages to say in a halting voice. “I… I want to… return the favor.”

He ends up whispering the end of his sentence, trembling in fear of both acceptance and rejection. Taeyong slowly approaches him and without warning, he suddenly presses his lips against Yuta’s. Yuta’s eyes widen before slowly fluttering shut; despite everything that’s transpired between the two of them over the past few days, both sweet and raunchy, this is the first time they’ve shared a genuine kiss, and Yuta welcomes the warm, loving way Taeyong’s mouth covers his own.

“Yuta…” Taeyong’s voice is a low, even growl. “Yuta, you don’t owe me _anything_. I don’t want to do this if you just want to pay me back.”

Yuta wonders if he’s being rejected (it’s hard to think straight when he’s still slightly tipsy and Taeyong’s kiss is making him heady), but Taeyong continues to speak, voice becoming more soothing.

“I want to make love to you for _you_ , not for me.”

That solidifies Yuta’s answer, and he looks up, firmly looking Taeyong in the eye. “Then make love to me.”

Taeyong is courteous enough to let Yuta crawl into his bed first before tugging the towel away. Yuta immediately feels bare, and clutches Taeyong’s blanket; this is hardly his first time having sex, but for some reason, this time, he feels shy and insecure, wishing he had worked out just a little more, regretting eating so much at dinner, and-

“My Yuta,” Taeyong affectionately presses his lips against Yuta’s forehead and blows the insecurities away. “You’re so pretty, _so_ pretty…”

He kisses Yuta again, so tenderly, that Yuta feels tears spring up behind his closed lids, and while he’s distracted, Taeyong begins to show attention to Yuta’s nipple, fingers coming to fiddle with and play with the perky nub. Yuta whines, unable to stop himself from rutting against Taeyong’s front.

“Taeyong,” he whines again, tugging on his lover’s T-shirt. “I… I don’t want to have sex while I’m completely naked and you’re not. Please…”

Taeyong smiles. “Okay, okay…”

He sheds his T-shirt and Yuta greedily drinks in the image of the tight, lean muscles that ripple under smooth skin. Before Yuta can keep staring, Taeyong suddenly swoops down and goes back to paying attention to Yuta’s nipple, sucking and laving it with his tongue. Yuta arches, arms wrapping around the back of Taeyong’s neck as the man on top greedily drinks and suckles on the bud.

“T- Taeyong…” Yuta's whimper is soft and light, almost feather-like, as the nipple puckers at the attention it receives.

“I don’t want to stop making you feel good,” Taeyong rasps, laying soft, light kisses around the other sensitive nipple. “God, I can’t stay away from you.”

“I don’t want you to,” Yuta’s voice is hushed, and all he can think is how _happy_ he is, how in love he feels.

“Yuta…” Taeyong’s voice comes out strained as he sits up and begins to lower his pants. “Listen, we can stop if you really want. I’m giving you a final chance, because once I take these off, I’m seriously not going to stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop,” Yuta says immediately. “Taeyong-ah, please…”

Taeyong makes quick work of his boxers, and Yuta gazes at the cock in front of him, hard and thick.

“Y- Yuta…? Are you okay?” Taeyong asks timidly, sounding insecure himself, and Yuta looks up to meet Taeyong’s gaze.

“Yeah,” he says honestly. “Just imagining you in me, that’s all.”

Taeyong lets out a seized groan and before Yuta can even shriek, he grasps Yuta’s ankles and hoists his legs up, forcing Yuta to hold on to his thighs.

“Hey, what are you- _Taeyong_!”

Taeyong doesn’t even hesitate, and begins to greedily suck and lick at Yuta’s exposed hole, as Yuta almost lets go of his legs in sheer shock and arousal.

“O- Oh god, w- wait, Taeyong, th- that’s too sudden! You’re…!”

Taeyong, in response, uses his hands to spread Yuta’s cheeks even further apart to keep tongue-fucking the writhing man underneath him and Yuta feels tears come up into his eyes again, this time for a different reason.

“Ah… Ahhh! It’s… It’s too much, Taeyong, please…!”

Taeyong continues to feast on the twitching bud trapped between his lips as he kisses and lathes the sensitive hole. Yuta is moaning, head thrown back as he feels all of his nerves focusing on the lewd feeling in his lower backside.

Taeyong seems to want to worship Yuta’s body in entirety with his mouth alone, with the help of his hands and his straining erection.

Taeyong finally stops after what feels like an eternity, panting heavily. “I… I can’t tell you how much I’ve wanted to do this for the last few days.”

Yuta feels his entire body grow hot from both arousal and embarrassment. “R- Really?”

“You taste so good,” Taeyong’s eyes are dark with lust and Yuta has to fight the urge to hide his eyes girlishly. He closes them instead, slowly regaining his breath, his erection heavy against his stomach, and he only re-opens his eyes when he hears a small ‘click’. He opens his eyes to see Taeyong pouring lube onto his finger and he gulps.

It’s happening.

It’s-

“It’s okay, baby,” Taeyong says soothingly, and Yuta starts, from both being interrupted in his thoughts, and the tender way Taeyong croons the nickname. “I’m just going to prep you, okay?”

Yuta responds by holding his thighs up again, and Taeyong lets a deep groan escape his throat, as he slides a finger in. Yuta is fine until the fourth finger, when he squeezes his eyes shut.

“T- Taeyong, w- wait, please, slow…”

“Of course,” Taeyong carefully maneuvers himself up so that he’s as close to eye-to-eye as he can be without straining him. “You’re so beautiful…”

He gently strokes Yuta’s hair. “Does it hurt?”

Yuta takes a few deep breaths, waiting for the stretch to stop tugging painfully on his nerves, until he finally looks up and gazes into Taeyong’s eyes.

“I- I’m ready.”

It’s enough for Taeyong, and he reaches into the drawer once again, to pull out a condom, and slides it on. After ensuring it’s on and Yuta is wet enough, he sinks into the slick heat, holding onto Yuta’s hips. Yuta whimpers, clutching Taeyong’s upper arms as the man he loves begins to slowly, carefully thrust into him.

“God, you’re so hot and tight and _wonderful_ ,” Taeyong mutters, pumping his hips. “Does this feel good, Yuta?”

“So good,” Yuta gasps, the tears of oversensitivity finally brimming and spilling onto his cheeks. “Ah… s- so good… Taeyong-ah…!”

He can feel Taeyong, every single breath, heartbeat… for a second Taeyong simply lays there, just indulging in the feeling of Yuta, and the bottom can feel every single pulse connecting each of them.

“You’re amazing, baby,” Taeyong presses himself into Yuta even more deeply, and the Japanese man can only wail. Taeyong is thick and hot and pressing against all of his edges in a way that makes Yuta feel thrill running through his entire body.

“Taeyong-ah!” Yuta blindly reaches out, hands straining, and Taeyong gently threads his fingers through Yuta’s, holding his hands firmly. Yuta feels himself falling, straining, hurtling through the air, but Taeyong’s grip is firm, warm… keeps him grounded.

Taeyong lightly nuzzles Yuta’s neck before pressing kisses in that special spot right behind Yuta’s ear that makes him purr and moan deep inside his chest.

“You feel so good, Yuta, my precious Yuta…” Taeyong murmurs into his ear. “I’m so lucky…”

Yuta wraps his arms around the back of Taeyong’s neck, clutching him tightly. “F- Faster.”

Taeyong obeys, and Yuta realizes from the speed and power of Taeyong’s thrusts, that the man had been holding back, trying not to hurt him. Yuta melts and as his tears begin to spill onto Taeyong’s shoulder, he can’t resist anymore.

“I love you,” he sobs as he wraps his legs around Taeyong’s waist. “I love you, Lee Taeyong.”

Taeyong’s eyes grow wide, and he raises himself slightly, to meet Yuta’s pleading eyes, full of tears and fear. Taeyong can’t hold back the elated grin as he lowers himself once more and passionately kissing Yuta’s lips.

Only after they breathlessly part, does Taeyong respond.

“I love you too,” Taeyong whispers back, pressing kisses into his hair. “God, I love you so much, Nakamoto Yuta.”

And it’s enough for Yuta, who cums between their stomachs, whimpering at the friction and at the romantic words that were just murmured softly to him. Taeyong groans when he feels the hot wetness against his abs, and cums soon as well, spurting into the condom.

Yuta leans back onto the pillow and Taeyong collapses on him, panting.

“That…” he whispers, eyes loving. “…was the most magical moment I think I’ve ever experienced.”

Yuta can’t help a slight chuckle. “You’re so cheesy.”

Taeyong peels the sticky condom off of himself, scrunching up his forehead slightly when he sees the mess he’s created on himself.

“The others are going to start getting suspicious when they see me washing my sheets everyday.”

Yuta raises an eyebrow. “Oh… we’re going to be doing this everyday?”

“Of course,” Taeyong affirms. “After tonight, you really think I’m going to let you go?”

Nakamoto Yuta can only smile as he finally realizes that this is what true happiness feels like. He hugs Taeyong close to him and the two of them just lay in silence for a few minutes in the dim glow of the bedside lamp, as they hear each other’s heartbeats.

“Yukkuri?”

“Hm?”

“I love you, but for real, can we wash up?” Taeyong’s voice holds a note of disgust and Yuta has to chuckle in amusement; he can tell just from Taeyong’s voice, that the man’s probably crinkling his nose. “I don’t want to fall asleep with dried cum all over us.”

“Oh fine, you clean freak,” Yuta smacks Taeyong’s back. “Come on, let’s go shower.”

“Uh… that’s probably a bad idea,” Taeyong says sheepishly, and Yuta blinks before smacking Taeyong again.

“Taeyong, you pervert~!”

And the night is continued with lovesick giggles, playful splashing, and more kissing.


	7. Taeyong Wakes Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....here we go....
> 
> I wrote this while pissed (maybe that made the chapter better lol). My friend recently started an NCT confession blog (confess-nct.tumblr.com) and she uploaded an admittedly not nice confession that someone submitted. Someone cursed her out because they thought it was her own opinion and she had to explain it was a confession site. It's amazing how mean some NCTzens can be (both the submitter and the person who retaliated -_-)
> 
> I'm especially upset because I really value this friend - she was originally an ARMY and I'm still kind of an EXO-L, but now we're both NCTzens, but that submission really depressed her.
> 
> Feel better, K, and keep your Tumblr!! The only thing I can say from this is that there are weird people out there.

Yuta is rudely and jarringly woken up the following morning and in that bleary, half-asleep haze, all he can notice is three things:

  1. His ass is sore and it hurts
  2. Taeyong is bellowing at the top of his lungs
  3. His ass is sore and it _hurts_ and it hurts even more because it’s just come into contact with the cold and very solidly hard wooden floor



Yuta struggles to wake up and groans. “Taeyong-ah, what are you-?”

“ _What the fuck are you doing_?!” Taeyong is clutching the sheets, looking down at his naked body, eyes wild and wide. “What the fuck have we done, Yuta?! Oh god, we… we…!”

Yuta can only stare, eyes similarly wide and frozen.

_This isn’t happening. This is **not** happening. This is the worst possible thing that could ever happ-_

He’s of course, proven wrong all too soon.

“Who screamed?!”

“What’s going on?”

“Wha- _whoa!_ ”

The other members have all run towards their room, clearly concerned for the screaming leader, who, to be fair, sounded like he was being murdered. Yuta desperately tries to cover himself, tears of shame swelling in his eyes.

He finally manages to grasp the towel, currently on the floor, that he was draped in momentarily last night, covering himself with it. The others are polite enough to avert their gaze to avoid looking at the humiliated, naked man who’s unable to pull himself off the floor, just clutching the towel to himself like a lifeline, too shamed to look up.

Taeyong's anger flares, encompassing Yuta in flames, as the Korean man screams at him.

“I can’t believe you, Yuta!” Taeyong’s voice is harsh and loud, sounding almost maniacal. “I can’t believe you did this when you knew I was under some fucked-up drug!”

Yuta gasps when he hears that, looking up to silently beg Taeyong – it can’t be true. He can’t seriously mean…

Yuta tries to say something, but his voice fails him and the tears in his eyes well even more heavily; the other members are nervously shifting foot-to-foot, unsure how to exit gracefully from this scenario. Yuta can’t remember ever feeling so low, especially when Taeyong yells the next fuming sentence that cuts through Yuta’s core like a bullet.

**“You took advantage of me!”**

Yuta’s heart shatters.

**_You’re amazing, baby…_ **

**_You feel so good, Yuta… I’m so lucky._ **

_Lies. They were all… None of it was real._

_Of course it wasn't real. How could you ever think...?_

“I… I’m sorry, I didn’t… I… I’m so sorry… I…” the broken words tumble numbly from Yuta’s lips, unsure what to say except to keep apologizing, apologizing for being the disgusting, desperate slut that he was last night.

“That’s **_enough_**.”

Even Taeyong falls silent when the eldest member’s voice rings out, heavy and serious. Taeil strides forward and yanks one of Haechan’s sheets off, and comfortingly drapes it over the shaking, weeping Yuta, who is still wordlessly mouthing apologies.

“Youngho,” Taeil snaps to the second oldest, and the tallest member gulps.

“Y- Yeah, Hyung?”

“Here’s my card. Treat Jaehyun and Dongyoung to breakfast outside,” Taeil hands over his wallet and the tone in his voice says that Johnny is not to argue. Johnny quickly grabs the bi-fold, before grabbing Doyoung’s and Jaehyun’s arms, dragging them full-on outside of the apartment, neither of them protesting.

“Yuta-yah…” Taeil’s voice is soft and comforting, a complete 180 to the voice he had just been using. He lightly pats Yuta’s head, still keeping the blanket and his arms around the sobbing man. “Let’s go, Yuta. We’re going back to our room.”

Yuta struggles to stand, and feels shame when his legs give out and the soreness in his backside causes him to stumble, falling back to the ground. Finally, Taeil just picks him up, and cradles him as he takes him away.

The room goes from chaos to silence all within the span of a few minutes, and the only thing Yuta can think is that he was never his.

* * *

Taeil takes Yuta to their old room, and gently deposits Yuta onto his bed, before heading into their bathroom. Yuta dimly hears the sound of running water, but he can’t think or feel. He doesn’t _want_ to, because every time he does, Taeyong’s furious voice rings in his ears, igniting his shame once again.

He sobs into his hands, thinking back to last night. How could he be so stupid as to think the two of them felt the same way?

_You’re pathetic._

Yuta claps his hands over his ears.

 _Did you really think Taeyong would…_ the voice lets out a sarcastic, polite laugh … ** _love_** _you?_

_He told me… He told me…_

_Even you knew, he was under some weird drug, and you still begged him to fuck you. Pathetic._

_He said he **loved** me… he loved me in that moment…!_

_You knew it couldn’t be real, you desperate slut!_

_No, no, please, stop, stop, no, no…!_

“Come on Yuta,” Taeil puts a gentle hand against his back. “I’ve run you a bath.”

He guides the mindless Japanese towards the bathroom, but when he tries to tug the blanket away, Yuta whimpers and clutches it closer to himself. Taeil stops when he sees the shame in Yuta’s eyes, afraid to take away his source of comfort. Finally, Taeil encourages Yuta to step into the steaming hot tub, blanket and all. The sheets get soaked (Taeil mentally apologizes to Haechan) but Yuta soon enough collapses into the heat, and he finally, timidly leans back.

There’s a moment of silence between the two of them, until finally, Taeil opens his mouth to speak. Surprisingly, Yuta speaks first, cutting him off.

“I should’ve known.”

Taeil pauses when he sees Yuta gazing down at the steaming water; he’s no longer crying, which Taeil thinks is positive, but the tired, defeated reflection that gazes back at him is so small and sad, that the older member wants to comfort him.

“Taeyong was right,” Yuta murmurs, voice thick with tears. “I… I took advantage of him. How could I think… Why…?”

Yuta then looks up and asks Taeil the question that confirms his suspicions about Yuta’s self-worth.

“Why would Taeyong ever love someone like me?” he tries to smile, but that poor attempt in twisting his lips up is so sad and heartbroken, that Taeil’s heart aches more than if Yuta was crying.

“Yuta… you’re worth his love. Taeyong does love you.”

“Stop it, hyung,” Yuta’s eyes fill with tears again. “Aren’t you being too cruel?”

“I’m not trying to comfort you,” Taeil says quickly. “I’m telling you the truth.”

“Taeyong only loved me because he was under the influence of a love potion. He would nev-”

“No, he wasn’t.”

“…what?”

“The thing that was sprayed in Taeyong’s face…” Taeil nervously clears his throat. “…it wasn’t a love potion.”

* * *

_Taeil’s eyebrows furrowed at the psychic woman. “Shouldn’t you know already? It’s a love potion, isn’t it?”_

_The woman stared at the bottle before looking back up._

_“…not exactly.”_

_“But then why’s my teammate acting so weird?”_

_“A lot of people think it’s a love potion to be honest,” the psychic shrugged. “But all of our elixirs are in this shape of bottle; it was the cheapest option of container, so they all look like heart-shaped perfume bottles.”_

_“Wait, all of **your** elixirs?”_

_“My family created this liquid. We’re… chemists,” she phrased delicately. “We make elixirs that are supposed to represent magical potions. We actually **have** created a love potion.”_

_“So this isn’t it?!”_

_She snorted. “That love potion is under extreme lock and key. Yeah, I don’t think so.”_

_“…then…?”_

_“This is just an inhibition suppressant,” she shrugged again. “Simple stuff.”_

_“…what’s a…?”_

_“It hinders the communication between your amygdala and prefrontal lobe, which regulates typical reaction to a standard social environment.”_

_Taeil’s mind whirled. “A- Amyg… typical… lobe…”_

_“…you know when you drink alcohol? It’s the part that makes you become completely honest and spout how you really feel.”_

_“Is that **possible**?” Taeil gaped. The psychic finally sighed._

_“I’d better get paid well for this… you didn’t eat breakfast this morning, but your teammate was cooking steak before you left, you’re an idol, one that isn’t too popular, but has a strong fan base, and you stepped into a pothole this morning on your way here.”_

_Taeil can’t help but to gape, because everything that woman just said was true. “Are you really…?”_

_“I’m not psychic,” the woman scowled. “I can tell about the breakfast because your clothes smell like meat but your stomach is growling, meaning you were in proximity with meat but couldn’t eat it. It couldn’t have been on the street, no meat restaurants are open this early, so someone you live with must have cooked it. It could’ve been your mother, but you’re clearly an idol, so you probably live in a dorm, which is why I know it had to have been a teammate.”_

_“…have you seen my picture online or something? How do you know I’m an idol?”_

_“No, I haven’t. Your hair is dyed, your eyes are light red as if you’ve worn circle lenses every day and your skin is dry, which usually happens to guys who wear makeup frequently. You also walked in here bowing and greeting, as if you expected a camera to be here. You’re clearly not that popular or else you would’ve waited to see if a camera was in here first before greeting, but you must be popular enough to even expect the camera. Your skin is also slightly darker under your eyes than on your forehead, meaning you wear a face mask normally, but you wear a cap as well, which keeps sunlight off your face completely.”_

_Taeil allowed that to digest before the last one sank in and he blinked._

_“How did you know about the pothole?”_

_“On the CCTV, it showed you came from the west side, and they’re doing construction on that side. If you walked from there, there’s a pothole around the corner. When you walked in, I noticed the pressure of your left and right side are slightly different, which tells me you’re still adjusting to stepping in too deeply earlier.”_

_Taeil just stared in stun, as the woman continued._

_“Do you see what I mean? Sure, magic and love potions can exist but even those have a base of knowledge and practice. Even science can be supernatural. This potion isn’t a real magic potion. It’s a chemical extract consisting of stimulants that, when together, elicit certain reactions from people.”_

_“So…”_

_“So, this isn’t a love potion. It’s a truth serum,” the woman smiled faintly. “Basically, the way your friend is acting means that’s how he genuinely feels. This formula just makes him act on impulse, with no inhibitions. If he saw someone he didn’t like, he probably would’ve punched them in the face. If he saw someone he liked, he would be nice to them. If he saw someone he **really** liked…”_

_The woman trailed off and Taeil nodded in understanding._

_“I just have one more question.”_

_“It’s an extra million won.”_

_“Fine,” Taeil grumbled. “When can we expect it to wear off?”_

_“These usually go for about a week,” the woman shrugged. “It depends on how long it lasts in the system. It’s like alcohol; you get affected with the hangover and the aftermath for how long alcohol remains in your system. This was sprayed in your friend’s face? Then it’ll probably be around a week… realistically, it got into his eyes, his mouth, his hair… when it’s finally flushed out of your friend’s system, that’s when he’ll be back to normal.”_

* * *

Taeyong remains stone-faced as he hears this, and Winwin falls silent for a second, before speaking up again.

“Hyung,” he says, voice soft but steady. “You can say whatever you want, but Taeil-hyung and I know the truth. This means that you actually love Yuta-hyung.”

“…he doesn’t really love me,” Taeyong finally responds, scoffing. “He just put up with me because of how I acted like some… some… _lovesick idiot_!”

He buries his face in his hands as he recalls the stupid, desperate way he’s been acting all week, clinging onto Yuta, blushing like some teenage girl, singing his love for Yuta for everyone to hear…!

“Hyung…” Winwin says quietly. “I know you’re embarrassed, and you felt the need to lash out, but for a second, think how Yuta-hyung feels. Let’s say he really does love you; do you think he was happier yesterday with you, or now, thinking you hate him?”

“Taeil-hyung’s probably taking care of him,” Taeyong looks away. “Yuta is… Yuta deserves better.”

“Did he ever say that?” Winwin persists. “Yuta-hyung doesn’t want better, he wants you. Hyung, all of us could tell… you and Yuta-hyung clearly felt the same way and just never said anything. Come on, if we didn’t think you felt that way, did you really think we’d laugh or act this nonchalant? We would’ve thought it was serious and would’ve tried to get you help. We acted this way because we thought it was finally time you two got together and Taeil-hyung and I thought this was the perfect opportunity.”

“…I feel like you’re trying to tell me something that you're not being very clear about,” Taeyong says sharply, and Winwin just matches his gaze levelly.

“I am telling you that I don’t blame you for being scared. I know this week must’ve been strange, knowing you went a full week without your inhibitions being there to keep your judgement in place. But… at the end of the day, you and Yuta-hyung were together and you were happy. Wasn’t that enough?”

“…it was,” Taeyong says softly, looking down at his hands. “I’m just… I’m just embarrassed. No, I’m… I’m _ashamed_. I can’t believe I acted so… that wasn’t me.”

“I know, Hyung,” Winwin agrees. “But it was you deep down, and we still love you for who you are. We all knew you loved Yuta-hyung anyways.”

“…Sicheng-ah…”

“That’s why I think you should apologize to him,” Winwin says firmly and Taeyong nods.

“I… I should. I didn’t mean to push him, I was just… freaked out.”

“Not for that,” Winwin clarifies. “I mean for what you said earlier.”

At Taeyong’s dreaded look, Winwin sighs, shaking his head.

“Hyung… you screamed that Yuta-hyung took advantage of you. He’s probably freaking out right now with Taeil-hyung because he thinks he raped you.”

“He _didn’t_ , though!” Taeyong says, thunderstruck. “I… I was just yelling that because I thought he was just putting up with my weird-ass behavior and decided to get laid during it! I was the one who wanted to do it, for fucks sake! I even topped! And he… he’s the one who tried to stop me at the beginning!”

The words tumble out of Taeyong’s lips frantically as he tries to clear the misunderstanding, but Winwin shakes his head.

“Yeah, but that’s not what you yelled in front of everyone just now.”

And Lee Taeyong realizes then just how badly he’s fucked up.

* * *

“You’re lying,” Yuta breathes, eyes wide. “He can’t… He couldn’t…”

“Now do you see, Yuta?” Taeil says calmly, leaning closer to the tub. “Taeyong was acting like this because he was under the influence of something that took away his judgement, not something that tampered with his feelings.”

“…”

“That’s why, I need to ask you to understand him.”

Yuta’s head shoots up in shock and indignation. “You’re asking me to _understand_ him?”

“I’m not saying what he did this morning was right,” Taeil holds out a hand gently to calm him down. “But if you think about it for a second, Taeyong must be terrified right now. He spent an entire week unable to stop himself from saying what was on his mind, and didn’t realize until just now how he’s been acting, like waking up after a drunken escapade and realizing all the stupid shit you did last night.”

“So… now I know his real feelings, but… what good is it?” Yuta smiles humorlessly. “He won’t act on it. After what I’ve done to him… I’m surprised he’d even look at me. He’s not wrong, I… I…”

Yuta can’t stop the dry sob that shakes out of his chest. “I took advantage of him. I…”

**_Yuta… my pretty, pretty Yuta…_ **

**_I never want to let you go..._ **

**_Does it feel good, baby?_ **

**_I love you so much, Nakamoto Yuta._ **

Yuta can’t stop himself, and he bursts into tears again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, okay, most of you guessed it lol


	8. Taeyong Gets Drunk

Mark and Haechan return to what feels like the frostiest the 127 practice room has ever felt.

“Uh… did we… miss something?” Haechan asks hesitantly but the other older members don’t answer, not even bothering to look up.

“L- Let’s practice,” Jaehyun says hastily. “Manager-hyung would have a fit if he walked in and saw us not dancing.”

They turn on the music and Yuta allows the beat to pulse through his body as he wordlessly goes through the motions that he could do in his sleep. He focuses on keeping his angles sharp and his gaze on point; he might be heartbroken, but he’s still a professional, and he knows better than to blur the line between professional and personal.

After a few songs though, Yuta inevitably makes eye contact with Taeyong, and he pushes himself away, avoiding his smoldering gaze in the mirror.

“Yuta, you’re in the wrong position! Why are you so high off the ground?” Taeyong barks and Yuta tries to push himself down but winces.

“…my back hurts,” he says in a low voice, trying not to think of the reason why his lower backside is so sore.

Out of nowhere Taeyong suddenly turns the music off.

“H- Hey!”

“Taeyong-hyung, what are you-?”

“I’m tired,” Taeyong announces harshly. “Can’t we take a break?”

The other members exchange a glance. “O- Oh… yeah, okay.”

“Come back in fifteen,” Taeyong stalks outside, shooting Yuta (who is actively avoiding his gaze and thus doesn’t notice) a quick glance on the way. The members all just stand in stunned silence as they hear the door slam from Taeyong leaving. Yuta is careful not to pay him attention as he walks to the next room where he left his training bag and-

He pauses.

In front of his bag is a small water bottle, clearly chilled, and a small box of muscle relief patches.

* * *

“So… what’s for lunch?” Mark asks as he and Haechan return to the dorm later. Both of them look exhausted; after Cherry Bomb dance practice had ended, the older 127 members had returned home while Mark and Haechan were forced to stay to practice their Dream comeback as well.

Needless to say, the boys are starving. They sniff the air, and Haechan’s face brightens.

“Cool, Taeyong-hyung made _nakji bokkeum_ (spicy stir-fried octopus)!”

They go to the dining room and remember (rather abruptly) that the air earlier was cold and weird and it unfortunately still _is._ They tentatively shuffle in the doorway, until the leader looks up and notices them.

Taeyong clears his throat. “Minhyung-ah, Donghyuk-ah, come sit down and eat your lunches. I’ve prepared a plate for you both.”

Almost automatically, the two of them turn to see (and presumably envy) what Yuta’s plate would hold. Needless to say, they’re stunned when, among the sea of rich-looking, spicy stir-fried octopus, Yuta’s dish is simple rice and eggs.

“Why-?”

“Sit down,” Doyoung hisses, dragging the two of them down, and they obediently pick up their chopsticks, exchanging a glance.

“ _Dude, what **happened** when Donghyuk and I were gone_?” Mark asks Johnny quietly in English, and the tallest member looks at him warily.

 _“…don’t ask_ ,” he decides, for Yuta’s sake, it’s best for now to hide the truth of what happened. The Japanese man will tell who has to know, when he wants them to know.

Yuta doesn’t say anything, just quietly eating his rice. He’s not going to argue – after all, Taeyong was feeding him so luxuriously throughout the week, it’s only fair he eats less to… He pauses.

Right when he splits the plain, yellow steamed egg, he expects it to be plain, unsalted egg through and through, but instead, savory _nakji bokkeum_ stew spills out from inside the lump of steamed egg like lava. Yuta just stares at it, as Taeyong loudly clears his throat and begins to take his plate to the kitchen.

* * *

“…are you stupid?”

“…thanks, Hyung,” Taeyong grumbles. “Really appreciate it.”

“Is this how you think you’re getting him back?” Taeil demands. “ _Tsundere_ -ing your way through everything again?”

“…Hyung, are you free right now?”

“Now?” Taeil asks back, non-plussed. “I… I guess, why?”

“I’d like to invite you to come have a drink with me.”

* * *

Yuta turns the light on in the practice room, before gazing around. He was training in this room just a few years ago… now that he’s debuted, he and the other NCT members use their own training room. But even though he appreciates the practice room reserved for NCT, he can’t help but to miss and feel nostalgic for the room he used to use back when he was-

“Yuta-hyung?”

He turns and blinks in surprise. “Sicheng-ah.”

“What are you doing here?” the confused Chinese member asks. “I saw you coming in while I was waiting for Kun-ge.”

“Yeah…” he lowers his head. “I just wanted… I was just…”

The other man doesn’t say anything, but simply smiles. “The rookies are all at foreign language practice so the room’s free until then. Come on, let’s stretch together.”

Yuta just shoots him a grateful smile, as he obediently follows Winwin’s movements.

* * *

Lee Taeyong and Moon Taeil, meanwhile, are sitting in a secluded room in a Japanese restaurant, and Taeyong orders two bottles of hot sake.

NCT’s eldest member and NCT’s leader exchange level gazes across the table – neither of them bother to drop their glances, even when the server bows and places the bottles on the table (although both of them have enough manners to thank the server out of the corners of their mouths, trying not to move too much).

Finally, Taeyong reaches out.

“May I?”

“Please.”

Taeyong nods, before reaching for the single, delicate sake cup, and filling it with the fragrant liquid.

“What have you been telling Yuta about me?” he says, before tossing the shot down his throat. He winces slightly when he feels it burn, and puts the cup back on the table before sliding it across the long table so that it lands in Taeil’s hand.

The older man deftly catches it and fills it from his own bottle of sake. “What do you care? What if I’m interested in him?”

He sends the cup back and Taeyong catches it with more force than necessary. He fills the cup again before he looks up to glare at his team member.

“I think my feelings have been pretty clear this past week. Don’t you feel underhanded, going after Yuta when he’s vulnerable like this?”

He gulps the shot down (trying not to taste it) before sliding the cup back. Taeil just scoffs before he pours sake into the cup.

“You’re the one who made him vulnerable, and you think you have the right to lay claim on him like some sort of hotshot alpha male?” Taeil keeps his expression neutral as he drinks the sake down slowly, before returning the cup.

The cup whizzes back and forth between the two men, steadily growing more drunk but also more stubborn.

“I’m going to give him the world on my knees if I have to.”

“…you hurt him.”

“I’ll heal him.”

“What if _I_ pursue him too?”

“You can do what you want, but you can’t be surprised if I sabotage you.”

“I’m your _hyung_.”

“And I’m your leader.”

The two men glare at each other challengingly until finally, to Taeil’s surprise, Taeyong suddenly slumps, attempting a different approach. He drops his fierce front and stops fighting fire with fire, becoming calm and quiet. Taeil watches as the raging flame becomes a submissive ripple of water.

“I love him,” Taeyong says quietly. “Please, _hyung_ … I need him back. I need him to know what we did was consensual. I need him to know that whenever I annoyed him, it was because I was concerned and I just didn’t want to see him hurt. And I need him to know… I was happiest when I made him realize he was loved.”

“So why is that so hard to say?”

Taeyong doesn’t answer and instead, gently whirls the cup back towards Taeil, who doesn’t even bother to fill it anymore.

“See?” Taeil says softly. “That’s all he wanted. He just needs to hear those words.”

And with that, he crushes the cup within his bare fist. “It’s time to end this cat-and-mouse bullshit, Taeyong. Yuta’s been insecure for long enough.”

* * *

“Phew!” Winwin collapses against the mirror. “That was a more intense workout than this morning’s dance practice!”

“Thanks, Sicheng-ah,” Yuta smiles tiredly. “I needed that. I’m exhausted.”

“Me too,” Winwin yawns. “I’m probably going to head back to the dorms. How are you feeling, Yuta-hyung?”

Yuta doesn’t say anything for a second, and suddenly, Winwin sits back down against the mirror, catching his breath. Yuta blinks in confusion when he sees his Chinese teammate just plop back down.

“…Sicheng…?”

“Come on, Hyung,” Winwin pats the floor next to him. “Let’s talk.”

“Talk? About what?”

“About what you wanted to talk about,” Winwin says plainly, and Yuta suddenly realizes that Winwin’s eyes look more mature than he’s ever seen them. How strange… he and Winwin have known each other for more than six years, and during that time, although Yuta has seen Winwin being silly, being confused, and being flat out ditzy, he’s never seen the Chinese this… focused.

“Whatever problem you might be having… it might help if you have another view on it,” Winwin offers and Yuta relents, sliding down the mirror with him.

The two of them don’t say anything, until finally, Winwin speaks up.

“You know… I knew a boy once,” he says in his accented Korean, slowly but surely. “Back when I was younger… there was a boy who was shy and awkward. He felt especially lonely because the boy he had a crush on was popular and good-looking, so he was convinced, for sure, that nobody would ever notice him.”

“But one day… to his surprise, the popular boy asked him out.”

Yuta’s eyes widen. “Really? And then what happened?”

Winwin smiles, but it’s a bittersweet smile. “The shy boy turned him down. He was convinced that the popular boy was too good for him, and refused to believe in himself. And so… nothing came out of it.”

“But-!”

“But you know what? Maybe it was for the better – because what the lonely boy needed wasn’t a boyfriend, or even just affection. What he needed was love. He needed to love himself first, because it’s only when you love yourself, that you come to understand why you were meant to impact another life.”

Yuta remains silent. “So what happened to the boy?”

“He went on a quest to find himself, and found what he loved to do, and from then, he decided to devote his life to making himself happy first. And Yuta-hyung… that’s all I want you to do.”

“Be happy?”

“Be happy with _yourself_ ,” Winwin corrects. “I see what you do before you speak to fans. You tell yourself you’re the most popular, loved person in the world, because you hype yourself up, but Hyung… you might not be the most popular and the most loved, but you are loved by us, and if we love you, you must understand it’s not for no reason.”

Yuta looks down, feeling the insecurities eating at him. “But-”

“If Taeyong-hyung doesn’t love you, I know it would hurt,” Winwin says, eyes sad. “But… we at least love you, Hyung. It might not be enough, but if it isn’t… I want you to figure out how to fix it. Maybe you need to speak to a professional, maybe you need to quit SM… who knows? Whatever it is… I want you to stop hating yourself like this.”

Yuta looks at him in surprise. “Sicheng-ah…”

The two men sit in the practice room in silence as Yuta begins to think to himself.

Winwin is right. When did he come to loathe himself so much?

_When I began to realize I was in love with Taeyong._

He was so desperate to put Taeyong before himself, he lost himself, the Nakamoto Yuta that fought and laughed and smiled for _real_ , the one who wanted to reach the top.

Winwin gets up, but Yuta has just one more question.

“It was you, right, Sicheng? You’re the shy boy in the story.”

Winwin pauses at the doorway before turning back to his older teammate with a smile.

“No, Hyung. It wasn’t.”

Yuta blinks in surprise. “Then how-?”

“…I was the one who asked him out, got rejected, and… I’m the boy who still loves him,” Winwin says softly, eyes alit with a soft, wistful glow. “I’ve loved him for the past eight years and it hasn’t changed.”

Yuta loses his voice in that moment, feeling his heart break for his younger brother; he had no idea Winwin was going through something so personal and he lowers his head in silence.

And with that, Winwin’s mature persona suddenly melts away, and he smiles happily. “Come on, Hyung, let’s go out for dinner. I want meat!”

Yuta just stares at the childish change… until a smile slowly spreads on his face as well, and he jumps up, tackling Winwin. “Ey, you’re trying to wring out my wallet, huh?!”

“Meat, meat, meat~!” Winwin cheerfully sings as the two NCT members leave the building of their sweat, tears and dreams.

* * *

When the two return to the dorm, stuffed and reeking of charcoal and beef, they’re surprised to find an abashed Taeyong and Taeil being chewed out by the manager.

“…Hyung?” Winwin peeks at them from behind the manager’s fearsome stance, arms crossed, eyes blazing fire. Before him sit Taeyong and Taeil on their knees, arms outstretched in the air towards the ceiling in a clear form of punishment.

“ _These two_ …” the manager spits. “Can’t be trusted to go out anymore.”

“Why, what hap-?”

“A 100,000 won sake cup!” the manager wails and Taeil winces, scratching his hand that’s still in the air. “I can’t believe you shattered a cup!”

“…I was making a point,” Taeil mumbles, ears slowly turning red. The manager nods.

“Ah, then in that case, my apologies. I was wrong.”

“Real-?”

“Let me fix my statement. _I can’t believe you shattered a cup to **make a point!**_ ” the manager bellows and Taeil cringes.

“You’d better be grateful the restaurant was willing to let you go!” he rages. “If I hear next time that you’ve broken so much as a… a… a _coffee mug_ , I will _find you!_ ”

“Yes, Hyung,” the two scolded members say meekly, Taeil looking abashed while Taeyong looks sullen.

Yuta can’t help it. He tries to stifle the giggle, but it slips out and everyone (manager included), turn to look at him.

And right then, Taeil has to give Winwin a grateful, impressed look, because he knows that smile.

It’s the smile that Yuta had when Taeyong began to make him happy.

And when Lee Taeyong sees that smile, he vows right then and there, in that foolish position on his knees, that he’s going to make sure that smile stays beaming.

Meanwhile, Winwin returns Taeil's look and feels hope stirring in himself.

_I hope that made you happy, Taeil-hyung._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...okay, I actually wasn't planning on this ending. I wasn't planning on it going this way, but... *shrug*


	9. Yuta & Taeyong

Taeyong doesn’t know what to do to be alone with Yuta – the Japanese man is proactively going out of his way to avoid him, almost impressively.

Every time Taeyong walks into Yuta’s bedroom, Yuta abruptly stands up and dashes to the bathroom, feet so quick he looks like he considers gravity as out of style.

Taeyong just stands in the middle of the room, and Taeil or Winwin (whoever’s there that day) just shrugs at him and then go back to whatever they're doing.

“Seriously?” Taeyong finally speaks up one day, raising his eyebrow at Taeil, who shrugs again. Even Winwin is there, laying back on his bed as he watches a movie on his phone.

“I helped you how I could. You’re the one that has to actually put in effort, Taeyong.”

“Oh come on, Hyung!” Taeyong all but whines. “I’m trying!”

“Just coming in whenever you feel like it isn’t a surefire way to speak with Yuta-hyung,” Winwin points out, eyes still glued to his phone. Taeyong sighs, knowing they’re both right. He could honestly probably really corner Yuta if he wanted to, but he’s… scared.

No, he’s not scared, he’s _petrified_. What can he possibly give Yuta?

More heartbreak?

He sighs, gazing forlornly at the closed bathroom door, where there’s suspiciously no sound emerging.

* * *

Taeyong’s pathetic attempts continue for the next few days, and it’s _torture_ , because in front of the camera and on stage, he can feel Yuta’s presence, can stand next to him without fear of rejection, and yet when they go back to the van, Yuta’s the first one who dashes in, presumably to avoid sitting next to Taeyong, who’s forced to go in last to make sure all the members are inside.

Taeyong sighs before climbing into the van and shutting the door.

He doesn’t notice it, but behind him, Yuta’s eyes are sad and pensive.

_Give me a little more time. Please._

* * *

To Taeyong’s surprise, his chance finally comes when he’s working out. He’s been destressing on the treadmill, just focusing on the goal, focusing on the shortness of breath, the pressure against his lungs… it’s a good way to distract him from the pain, the slow ache that reminds him he’s fucked it up, Yuta wouldn’t want him back, why would he ever forgive-?

Taeyong’s phone lets out a notification chime, and he only glances down because it dims his music… until he sees who the sender is.

Several people in the gym turn in concern when they see the cold-faced man from earlier full-on slip off the treadmill, the loud yelp destroying the tough image he had earlier.

* * *

“What _happened_ to you?!” is the first thing Yuta asks as he gapes at him. Taeyong clears his throat, trying not to look like he’s in _too_ much pain.

“I was… uh… just rescuing… a child from… drowning,” he curses mentally for not thinking of a better heroic story while he was in the car. Yuta raises an eyebrow.

“You were rescuing a child from _drowning_ ,” he repeats in disbelief. “And that’s why you have track marks on your face, a bruise on your nose and a black eye?”

Taeyong winces. “Y- Yeah. That was it.”

Yuta just raises his eyebrow again and finally shakes his head. “Come on, let’s go to the living room and talk.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier if we went to one of our bedrooms to talk?” Taeyong asks, puzzled. “I mean, I’m fine with it, but… wouldn’t you prefer if this talk was… private?”

Yuta shrugs. “I don’t want to kick Taeil-hyung and Sicheng out just for us to talk. We should be fine, I’ve already asked everyone, and they promised to stay in their rooms.”

“Oh…” Taeyong shrugs. “We could go to my room though, I think it’d be more private.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence, until Yuta finally looks away. “I… I don’t want to go in there.”

“…wh-?”

And then Taeyong remembers exactly what happened last time Yuta was in his room and he has to fight the urge to punch himself in the face.

_You fucking moron!_

“Living room it is,” he says quickly, heading towards the sitting area. Now that the uncomfortable memory sits in between them, the air is stifling and awkward.

“Should I… get some tea?” Taeyong jumps up and before Yuta can answer, Taeyong runs to the kitchen and begins to boil water, forcing himself not to panic.

_It’s going to be okay. Stop being a goddamn coward and get out there._

He steeps the tea as long as he can on purpose before nodding to himself.

_Stop being an idiot. You wanted to speak with him and now’s your chance to say that you’re sorry and that you love him. Don’t fuck this up._

Taeyong carefully walks out of the kitchen, holding the tray and silently begins to pour the tea. Yuta picks the cup up and takes an uninterested sip, Taeyong following suit.

“So…” Taeyong bites his lower lip, wondering how to bring up his apology. To his surprise, though, Yuta beats him to it.

“I’m sorry.”

Taeyong just stares in confusion. “Wh- What are you-?”

Yuat pauses for a moment, before nodding firmly. “I… I’ve wanted to say this to you for a few days now, but… I’m sorry.”

If Taeyong felt like shit before, it’s nothing compared to how he feels now. He’s so dumbfounded, he can only stare as Yuta lowers his eyes, before raising his head once more, glance firm.

“You were right. I technically took advantage of you.”

“N- No,” Taeyong chokes. “No, stop, that’s-”

“But… what you need to know is… I did it because I loved you.”

Taeyong stops breathing and he stares in stun at the man who confesses calmly to him, as if he didn’t just make Taeyong’s heart race.

“I… I loved you, and you can say what you want, but… I believe… no, I _know_ … you loved me too.”

Although Yuta’s pupils are trembling, he continues to talk, exuding calm confidence, and Taeyong swallows.

“Y- You’re right. I… I-”

“I’m not finished,” Yuta continues, before taking a deep breath. “I love you, not because of that stupid potion or whatever, Taeyong. I love you because you’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. But what you did hurt, Taeyong. It’s not enough to say that you’re sorry for that. You raised my hopes and then humiliated me in front of everyone.”

In that lull of silence, Taeyong speaks up.

“I know… that’s why I want to get sprayed again.”

Yuta pauses, eyes wide. “Wait, what?”

“You… You’re not wrong. I… I loved you. No, I… I still feel that way now,” Taeyong struggles to say, his shoulders slumping slightly. “And I remember telling you, if that… if that made you happy, then I want to go back to how I was. I want to spoil you and make you happy.”

“Taeyong, you’re missing the point,” Yuta shakes his head. “That wasn’t really you.”

Taeyong blinks several times and downs his scalding tea before finally looking Yuta square in the eye.

“Are you unaware that the potion was showing my real feelings? You don’t need to doubt it, it really was-”

“Those were your real feelings, but that wasn’t _you_ showing them,” Yuta cuts him off, gaze steady. “It’s like when you’re drunk. You might be honest, but the reason you’re so honest is because you just blindly go forward and blurt out everything unconsciously.”

“…but I really do feel that way,” Taeyong says weakly and Yuta’s eyes are so sad, Taeyong wants to hold him and never let go.

“Then why can’t you just say it?”

“I… I…”

“I used to think that you were too good for me, you know,” Yuta says casually, picking up his teacup and taking another sip. “I was convinced… I was convinced you would never love me because of my worthlessness.”

Taeyong lets out an indignant sound that sounds like a cross between a gasp and a snarl as he pours himself more tea. “Well that’s wrong. You were wrong.”

“I know that now,” Yuta lets out a tiny smile, but gazes down at his cup. “I know that because you showed me all the love I needed to see this past week. But Taeyong… I just need to know… what do you want?”

“I… I want…”

What does Taeyong want? Only one answer really seems clear.

“…I want you to be happy.”

Yuta doesn’t say anything, just letting an unnamed emotion filter into his eyes. Taeyong looks straight into those eyes and continues.

“I want to tell you that… that I want you to be happy with me,” he takes a nervous sip of tea again before continuing. “I want to tell you that… I was in love with you when you cried after you were on Abnormal Summit and people wrote things about you online. Because even after that, you pushed yourself and appeared every week and worked harder than anyone else I’ve ever seen. And then I fell in love with you again when you organized Hansol’s surprise birthday even though you had to prepare for the showcase. And that time you agreed to switch outfits with me at the SM Rookies show because I wanted the leather jacket even though you wanted that outfit first. And the time-”

“Okay, I think I’ve got it,” Yuta says hastily, unable to stop a smile from tugging on the corner of his lips. “Then…”

“Wait…” Taeyong takes a deep breath. “There’s something I have to do.”

Before Yuta can stop him, Taeyong raises his voice. “Okay, you guys can come in.”

There’s a loud gasp and the door is practically wrenched open as seven men fall on top of each other, trying to not look suspicious or like they were listening right at the door. Yuta raises an eyebrow at the group, and is met with seven sheepish grins.

“Yeah. Like I really believed it when you said they would all stay put in their rooms,” Taeyong says dryly and it’s Yuta’s turn to smile sheepishly. Haechan, young and impatient as he is, pipes up.

“Does this mean you two are dating again? If TY Track-hyung is our mom, does that make you our dad, Yuta-hyung? Or are you the mom, because I heard that you-?”

“ _Before that_ ,” Taeyong interrupts, glaring at the youngest member for barging in and turns back to a confused Yuta, taking a deep breath. Before anyone can ask what he’s about to do, Taeyong suddenly sinks to his knees and in front of all of his members, Lee Taeyong bows for forgiveness to Nakamoto Yuta.

None of the members say anything, except for Yuta, who’s mildly panicking.

“W- Wait, Taeyong, what are you-?!”

“I… I’m not going to get up until…” Taeyong swallows, eyes trained to the ground. “Until everyone sees me the same way they saw you that day.”

Yuta doesn’t say anything, because Taeyong isn’t wrong; he doesn’t remember ever feeling so ashamed in his life. It isn’t even that the other members saw him; it was that they saw him when he was so vulnerable, after he had shared such a precious memory with Taeyong the night before.

He knows; this is Taeyong’s way of saying he wants to show that same vulnerability.

“I… I love you, Nakamoto Yuta,” Taeyong says in a soft voice. “And… I’m sorry I hurt you.”

The other members are all staring in clear discomfort, unsure how to react, but Yuta steps forward, and they all hold their breaths.

“…Taeyong…”

Without warning, Yuta suddenly lays a gentle hand on Taeyong’s shoulder. “…that’s what I want to hear. I want you to stop hiding yourself. Because when you do, I begin to doubt myself and that makes me love myself a little bit less. Please… talk to me.”

Taeil, sensing the cue to leave between the two men in turmoil, hurriedly ushers everyone out of the living room, and soon they’re alone again, this time, gazing at each other eye-to-eye, unwavering.

Taeyong is still on his knees, gazing up into the emotional eyes that have been haunting his sleep for longer than he’d like to admit.

“I… don’t deserve your forgiveness,” he whispers, voice shaking. “I… I hate myself so much. You… I wanted to be the only one who could ever see you… in that state, and I… I just let them see you.”

Taeyong’s expression of regret begins to hold traces of rage. “I let them _look_ at you like that. I let them see you in that way that should’ve only been shown to _me._ As if you weren’t the most important person in the world to me.”

Now that he’s said and done so much in such a short period of time, Taeyong finds the words slipping out more easily.

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone as much as I loved you that night, Yuta,” he confesses. “And I want to die whenever I think back to that next morning because your face when I pushed you…”

He lifts his head, voice laced with pain. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget that expression, Yuta. I… I hurt you. I hurt you so badly, Yuta. Taeil-hyung could break my arm right now and it wouldn’t hurt as much. Seriously, I don’t even know why you would even love someone like me.”

“…because technically Taeyong, you were right,” Yuta bends down so that Taeyong’s neck is no longer craning to look up, and smiles sadly. “That potion is how you are, how you feel. And the you of last week… made me love myself, made me happy. And now I understand… I love you. But I love myself more, and you taught me how important that was.”

“You should always love yourself,” Taeyong says shakily. “If I had known, before this whole incident, that you were being affected so much by what I said, I would have spoken to you so differently.”

“Yeah, I would’ve too,” Yuta says wryly. “But what matters is now, Taeyong… we both know. And I know what I want. Do you?”

“Only if you forgive me,” Taeyong insists. “I… I have to punish myself a little, Yuta.”

“Taeyong…” Yuta shakes his head in sorrow. “Don’t you understand? Why are we putting ourselves in this constant cycle of pain and deserving and who’s too good for who bullshit? Let’s… Let’s be together. Okay? Let’s be together and… and you can make it up to me then. Let’s just… stop hurting each other.”

“But-”

“Do you… maybe not want to be with me?” Yuta asks hesitantly and Taeyong almost hurts his neck from how quickly he whips it side to side.

“God no! I would… I would be the happiest person forever if you let me be with you, but-”

“But nothing. Don’t you see…? I… I care about what you think, Taeyong. And if you don’t want to be with me, then I’ll just feel insecure and… alone.”

Yuta’s voice lowers at the final word, and Taeyong stands up slowly.

“Yuta… I never want you to feel that way again. Ever.”

“But-”

And out of nowhere, Taeyong suddenly leans in and hugs Yuta deeply, arms wrapped around his neck and Yuta nearly cries, because it’s felt like so long since he was in Taeyong’s arms, since he felt those arms clinging onto him for dear life.

“I’m sorry...”

And with that, the tears that Taeyong was trying to hold back finally burst out and Yuta holds him, arms wrapped around his waist.

“I’m okay now,” Yuta says gently. “I’m not as self-conscious anymore, but Taeyong… I wish you would learn to forgive yourself. You need to love yourself too.”

Taeyong continues to sob, the self-loathing and anxiety from the past few days bleeding out into Yuta’s shoulder as he clutches Yuta desperately.

“I’m sorry… I… I shouldn’t have…!”

“Shh… Shh…. It’s okay…”

* * *

“Let’s go to therapy together.”

Taeyong slowly peels himself away from Yuta; the two of them had spent the last hour or so just holding each other on the living room couch, in some desperate, necessary form of cuddling. The Korean gazes at his lover, expression unreadable.

“Therapy…?”

“I know it’s not… really accepted,” Yuta says quickly. “But… Taeyong, you need to consider that maybe you aren’t good at expressing yourself because of… well, it could be anything. And I’ll be with you, every step of the way. Please, Taeyong… you’ve shut yourself off because of the weird crowd you met in high school, not socializing because of training, hiding from sasaengs… you need to get help, and I’ll go with you.”

Taeyong doesn’t say anything for a second, and Yuta wonders if he pushed it too far, but finally, Taeyong raises his head.

“…okay. I’ll go.”

Yuta relaxes slightly and for the first time all day, a teasing grin emerges on his face. “Hey, look at that… you’re spending an hour a week, but in exchange, you get me as a boyfriend. Not bad for a deal, huh?”

Taeyong cracks a smile back, pressing their foreheads together. “Not bad. I… won’t let you go again, Nakamoto Yuta.”

“You’d better not, Lee Taeyong. Oh, and Taeyong…?”

“…yeah?”

“I don’t care how hurt your face is, if you seriously do not watch your hands, I’ll bust your other eye.”

“…sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your encouragement, kudos, comments, and even just silent reading because that means my fic was interesting enough to continue haha.
> 
> I'm going to try to write more YuTae because they are a cute-ass couple and I love them haha
> 
> Message me with any ideas on [Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/tapeu_127)!


End file.
